The concept of oppressed people as “participants” in their own oppression makes sense. Especially in terms of queerness, as we are trained from cradle to aspire to & protect heterosexual conformity.
The way this is used to ignore queer oppression as structural violence, doesn't.

When queer people perform heterosexuality to access its structural power, instead of committing to its destruction, they are choosing their own comforts. When they target openly queer people w/ vitriol & use language like “put yourself in harms way” as if it's the queer person's—

-fault that they face violence for being visible, it is a refusal to abandon comfort and safety in search of liberation.

But!

It still doesn't mean queerphobia becomes an individual decision by those “self hating gays” and religious zealots. It doesn't mean other cishet are...

...absolved of the taint now they've found “even queer people” that are “fighting against themselves.”

When I make the above observation, I do not mean my oppression is individual. I mean that it is also maintained by the recruitment of many members of the oppressed.

That is why dismantling oppressive systems are so hard but necessary. Hard because how do you teach an individual who is already struggling in a performed heterosexual identity to give up that identity in favour of its abolition? It is hard work. Very very hard grueling work.

And to be honest, social media really helps because just interacting with other queer people is such bliss, the kind of experience that enables you view yourself outside a heteronormative construct. This, btw, is why internet poverty is another plane of queerphobia.

It denies queer people access to community. Denies them participation in a community-directed reimagination of queer identity, a conducive space in which to unlearn internalized prejudice and identify the structural constructions built to break us into heteronormative conformity.

It is not the fault of queer people that we are raised to participate in society's homophobia. And it is not that participation, limited or rampant, that sustains queerphobia.
It is the heteronormative nature of current societal institutions that sustain homophobia.

This is why to be an ally, you must be committed to the destruction of these institutions. It is not enough that you “don't hate gay people” or “believe trans women are women”. It's a good step but it does not make you an ally.
Not hating queer people doesn't liberate us.