I lost friends when I found my wife

A relationship can show you who your real friends are.

Not everyone is happy for you and not everyone wants to see your marriage work. A relationship is never about one person — neither is it about only two people.

1/16

Love is a magnet; it attracts family, friends, religious congregations and everyone else that signs for updates via social media.  

The day my mother and future mother-in-law met to discuss wedding arrangements was a clash of the titans.

2/16

Both strong and stubborn, women with different ideas on tradition and culture.

We would still be debating which family members were invited to the ceremony if my wife and I had not taken matters into our hands.

Marriage is like forming a treaty between two foreign countries.

Marriage is negotiations between communities, merging households, learning traditions, adopting siblings and creating legislation.  

Friends have an opinion; colleagues have suggestions, mother-in-laws have how to create a perfect marriage manuals.

4/16

A marriage is no different from any negotiation — there is always someone unhappy with the new arrangements.

People will try to find ways to sneak into your household. Third parties armed with excuses about knowing what is best for you & reminders on how much you have changed

Opinions leak in through the ceilings and floorboards;soaking your marital home & drowning it in expectation.

It’s hard to distinguish between those who are happy & those who are just hatin’

Create thin boundaries that protect your marriage, when you face the world as a couple

You are the frontline and last line of defence for your
partner—protection that must is earned and one that must be reciprocated.

Don’t become a punching bag for someone who doesn’t step in the ring by your side.

Love is also a process of self-defence.

7/16

Defending your marriage should be instinct, not just a reaction caused by guilt or pressure.

I had to train myself that — regardless of who made that accusation — my wife is innocent until proven guilty, or at least had been given a chance to defend herself.

8/16

I learned to curate my words carefully — no matter much anger burned inside me — when I shared grievances on issues we had within our relationship.

Marital secrets should only leave the padlocked gates of your relationship as an absolute last resort – only whispered to real ones

Friends and family do not have the same level of amnesia as lovers when it comes to past mistakes.  

They tend to package forgotten issues from the past and reopen them at any given opportunity. I told you so becomes their weapon of choice.

10/16

Your happiness is not for everyone, and jealousy works in mysterious ways.

People you thought would rejoice that love was in the air, instead feel suffocated by it.

11/16

Also, wicked intentions are different from misdirected intentions.Not everyone is bad mind; they sometimes forget that what is best for you may change with growth

Friends may not see how your partner steps into voids that you used to fill with a string of recreational activities

Parents may not understand when to take a couple of steps backwards.

Opinions on your relationships are only as relevant as the attention you give them. Do not create an obligation to water seeds of doubt planted by other people.

13/16

I have learned that eye rolls can replace outbursts, and that patience gives you more peace of mind than being pissed off.

Your marriage is not The Shade Room; comments should be kept to a minimum, and your drama is not for the entertainment of others.

14/16

Marriage is not an agreement to suffer in silence, but an understanding between a couple to trust each other to deal with problems in-house before you outsource them to someone else.

15/16

The people you choose to support your marriage are like pillars; they either cause it to crumble, or they keep it rising with stability and strength.

16/16