It is 4PM and I'm at home with Grandpa.

Me: *Mixes Garri and sugar*

(There are people shouting in our compound)

Grandpa: *Stares at me*

Me: *cuts fried meat and hums*

(The shouting continues)

People outside: BRING HAUWA OUTSIDE NOW!

Me:
Grandpa: You've gone to steal something again abi?

Grandpa goes out to find members of the Oodua People's Congress (OPC) in our compound.

Members: Where is she?! Drag her outside now!

GP: Calm down, my children. What happen?

Me in hiding:
OPC Leader: Last month, we gave her material to sew uniform for all of us.

Members: *nod*

OPC: We told her that we will wear the uniform for our operation today. Till now, we have not seen cloth.

Grandpa: HAUWA! COME OUT NOW!

Me: *shuffles out*
GP: What happen to their cloth?

Me:

GP: I SAY WHAT HAPPEN TO THEIR OPERATION UNIFORM

Me: I've sewed it

GP: Go and bring it!

Me: *Runs inside*

GP: Calm down, my children.

Me: *Reappears with a bunch of clothes and puts them down*

OPC Leader: *Picks one and holds it up*
OPC Leader: Is this baby gown?

Me: Eh

Member: *Holds up another* Which style is this?

Me: Peplum gown

Member: Peplum gown? For baby? Who is doing nursing mother?

OPC Leader: *Holds up another baby cloth* Did you sew baby cloth for us?

Me: That one is 'show me your back'.
OPC Leader: Hope you're not mad? Do you want to open boutique?

Member: *Picks one shirt* Ha. She even sew one good shirt.

Me: Ah. That one is for me o. I have interview tomorrow

Leader: *raises cutlass*

Me: Hay *runs to hide behind Grandpa*
Granpa: *whispers to me* Tell me, are you well?

Me: *whispers back* Yes

Leader: Soro soke!

Me: What happen is... I sold condom for my uncle.

Leader: What consign us with condom?

Me: The problem is the condom is not original and now many people are now pregnant for him.
Me: So I use your material to sew the baby cloth that I will sell for them.

Member: Is this one mad?

Leader: Ok. The cow we kept at the backyard of our zonal office, where is it?

Me: *Drops fried meat*

Leader: I SAY WHERE IS IT?

Me: We will sha kill cow for naming.
Leader: Idris! Bring the pako!

(Idris comes into the compound with a cross.)

Me: Easter have not reach now

Leader: Climb it.

Me:
Leader: *Raises cutlass*

Me: *stretches hand* At least carry me up

Leader: *Carries me*

Me: *Touches shoulder muscles and whispers in his ear* I like your muscle. 🌚

Leader: Is this one mad?

Me: *On the cross* GRANDPA CALL LAWYER NAU! 😭😭😭
Granpa: Are you not the one that suck petrol from his keke?

Me: Won't you call anybody! 😭😭😭😭

Leader: We are taking her to Bodija Market.

ME AT BODIJA MARKET:
Me: Please, I have Test at Akure Micro-Finance bank tomorrow and I have not iron my skirt.
😭😭 Please.

Night don't use to meet me ou'side
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