When you’ve finally gotten out of an abusive relationship but your abuser still has some unavoidable claws in you, it can be tempting to reach out, to ask WHY, just to try to end it for good. Don’t. They were abusive then and they’re trying to hurt you now.

Abusive patterns are called patterns for a reason. Don’t expect them to be reasonable. If they believe you’ve wronged them, there is literally NOTHING you can say to convince them otherwise.

Best thing you can do is survive the attempts to re-traumatize as best you can. Focus on getting through it. Don’t take the bait that you can resolve this rationally just because you are rational and you don’t understand the behavior.

It fucking sucks. Knowing you’re letting them hurt you again. But the alternatives are often worse.

You CAN get through it though. And sometimes they’re going to win some stuff they don’t deserve.

It will make you feel like shit, but don’t let them take your humanity and kindness from you. They’ll try, because it’s the one thing you have that they never will.

The temptation for retaliation is strong, but keep yourself, your loved ones and your goals in the forefront.

It’s sometimes a bit less of “fuck around and find out” and more “play stupid games, win stupid prizes”.