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I don't think I've ever given unsolicited publishing advice (or thoughts really because idk if this is advice) but here goes: I'm realizing that there are actually some pretty great lowkey pros to being at a stage in your career that you think is, like, not where you wanna be.
When I was unagented all I wanted was an agent. When I didn't have a book deal all I wanted was a book deal. I was always unsatisfied with where I was. But looking back... I really should have tried to enjoy the ~possibilities~ more.
There's a section of my YA book where my main character thinks, "...there’s no hope. Only cold, unforgiving certainty. I should have waited forever in that comfortable limbo." Which is way too dramatic a sentiment for what I'm going through rn (my narrator's a teenager after all)
But the spirit of what he says holds true. Before your deal, you can imagine it any way you want to. The advance, how it'll feel to tell that smug asshole in your MFA program, your editor telling you the book is perfect the way it is... But once you're in it... reality sets in.
And all the things you dreamed of are necessarily shot down (unless you get everything you want or had low expectations). And it's hard to let go of your fantasy and embrace what you have, but what's even harder is losing things you assumed were givens.
So being mindful of the pros (and cons) of whatever stage you're at is key to avoiding a crash in the future. The whole it's a marathon not a race schtick. The whole Miley Cyrus-ass It's the Climb shit.
It's funny, I know past me would look at a thread like this and would roll his eyes and say, "Easy for you to say, you have what I want." And he's entitled to that. But I hope someone less cynical would be able to read this and be like, "For now this book is all mine."
"I can call it what I want. I can plot it how I want. I am the only cook in this kitchen, and for that I am grateful."
Oh and I guess I should also try and be self-aware and realize that there are things about my experience right now that I'll miss after my book comes out. So... I'm really glad I haven't gotten any racist or queerphobic reviews of my book yet lmao
