Thread by @delfender, Seen a few posts on here about mothers' experiences of being pregnant [...]

Seen a few posts on here about mothers' experiences of being pregnant during the pandemic, and after seeing the comments to Meghan Markle after she spoke about her miscarriage, I thought I would *cautiously* share my pretty shitty experience. Bear with me.

Back in November I was admitted to hospital with hyperemesis and put on a drip. I was so weak and had never been so ill in my life. I was told they would scan me to check for a viable pregnancy as I wasn't quite 12 weeks so hadn't yet had a routine scan. I had to have this alone.

When they scanned me I immediately got the sense something wasn't quite right, the sonographer had told me before she began that she would tell me as soon as she saw anything yet she remained agonisingly quiet throughout.

After what felt like forever, she stopped scanning & advised that the baby wasn't as far gone as I had thought & that maybe I had got my dates wrong. Certain I hadn't, I immediately knew there was something wrong. She half heartedly tried to reassure me, but we both knew.

I then had to sit, alone, in the waiting room while they arranged for treatment for my sickness and what to do next. Obviously at this point my head is pretty mashed and I'm wishing I had someone to talk to.

Finally I was given IV anti sickness meds & typically had an allergic reaction. It completely terrified me, I was shaking from head to toe & felt like I was going to die. They had to stop that medication so I had nothing to prevent the sickness which made me want to cry even more

I was admitted onto a ward to be rehydrated overnight, my partner was told to leave my stuff at the main entrance & someone would bring it to me. After it was brought up one of the nurses must've felt sorry for me & searched on the system for my next of kin & rang my partner.

She said he could come in for 5 minutes to see me, even though no visitors were allowed. I will always appreciate that small act of kindness, it made a huge difference

That night at midnight on Friday 13th a doctor came into my room, I was still alone, she sat down next to the bed & advised that I had a molar pregnancy, that I would need surgery to remove the baby & months of follow up to ensure my hormone levels were going down as expected.

She explained that I had a sac and a baby, but that my placenta was growing far too quickly and this was what was causing my sickness. She advised that once the tissue is removed it can grow back, and if it does, it will be cancerous.

I was completely and utterly traumatised. I had nobody with me, it was midnight so all my family were asleep. The doctor left & I was alone in the room trying to digest the fact I had lost my baby, I needed surgery and all the other terrifying thoughts I don't want to repeat.

The next morning a consultant came in & advised I would need to wait 2 weeks for another scan to be sure of a non viable pregnancy before they operated. I begged for it to be sooner, I was so ill & couldn't take the medication needed, I knew I wouldn't last 2 weeks.

I had already lost a stone & I'm pretty small as it is. The consultant agreed to reduce the scan to 10 days time. I lasted 6 before i was back in hospital. Again alone. I was rescanned & they confirmed that baby hadn't grown since the last scan so surgery was given the go ahead.

The next day I went into hospital for surgery and waited 8 hours, again alone, until there was a slot available for me in theatre. I was so scared, I'm lucky enough to have never needed surgery or anaesthetic. I had nobody there to distract me or just be there as a support.

So obviously in my head those full 8 hours I was going to die during surgery, I wasn't ever going to wake up. It was a long 8 hours

. When it actually came to it, the anaesthetists were so lovely and made everything as relaxing as possible. They were amazing

Thankfully surgery went well, I was allowed home the next day but due to the molar pregnancy I still had ridiculously elevated pregnancy hormone levels (which was what had caused me to feel so ill in the first place). So I didn't feel much better at all.

Slowly I started to feel more human & after a few weeks I was able to eat & drink fairly normally. Because molar pregnancies are so rare I've been referred to Sheffield, one of only 3 specialist hospitals in the UK for my follow up care. Now we just cross our fingers and wait

I don't want or need sympathy, I've had enough of that to last a lifetime

I just want people to maybe think twice about posting derogatory comments to people like Meghan who spoken openly about her experience. You might unknowingly cause someone hurting to bottle things up.

Just be kind, or be quiet. It's really that simple. Sometimes people share things to those they don't know because it's easier, and feels better having it out in the open, to not have to hold this big dark secret on your shoulders that is never to be spoken about.

And be kind to pregnant mummas, it's particularly difficult for them at the moment. There's far less human contact with midwives, everything feels a little bit scarier & the joy of sharing all aspects of their pregnancy journey with their loved one doesn't always happen.

Bloody hell that was long winded. Apologies. I may yet still delete it all as it's sharing a lot that I wouldn't normally share. But hopefully if there's another woman going through something similar who sees it, she might feel less alone, or less scared to share her story.

Thank you so much for all your lovely messages

I've not had one negative Nellie or abusive Alfie (sorry to all Nellie's and Alfie's, I have nothing against you, I promise) so that just reaffirms my belief that I have the loveliest followers

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