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1/...A heartwarming festive tale as told to me by my brother 25yrs ago when he was a young and spotty PC in Hampshire. A lorry driver had dropped off his trailer load, knocked off at lunchtime on Christmas Eve and driven the cab of his artic' home to park up outside his house...
2/...Job done for the year, he then headed straight for the nearest pub on his council reservation for a traditional Christmas Eve 'Leo Sayer'. Half a barrel of Stella later he decides that he's now hungry - very hungry. Problem is it's now midnight and everything's shut...
3/....No problem, he's got a big truck parked up at home - perfect for a drive around town in search of a takeaway that's surely open and waiting for his trade? Fires up the big Scania and off he goes down the narrow street, pinballing off approx' 20 cars parked there....
4/...10mins later and a trail of smashed up vehicles he eventually arrives at his favourite Chinese takeaway, which unsurprisingly, is shut. No problem, he just honks the airhorn loudly until a sleepy face appears in the upstairs bedroom window:
"Fluck off - we shut"
"Fluck off - we shut"
5/....SHUT !!! How dare they, Truckman is hungry and needs a chow mein NOW. He now decides that he's not taking no for an answer and he'll encourage them to open up - by reversing his truck through the entire glass shop front. Cue total carnage, alarms going off, glass everywhere
6/....Police are now taking multiple calls from residents about the unfolding drama. My brother, fresh from a day of fighting with drunks in Pompey, gets called in to go and see what's happening. When he gets there he sees that it's not just the takeaway that's the problem....
7/....as the takeaway is the ground floor of a high-rise tower block that looks like it's all about to topple now that its ground floor has been 75% removed and only being propped up by the wedged in Scania that's embedded in it.
"Sarge, we're going to have to evacuate the block"
"Sarge, we're going to have to evacuate the block"
8/...It's now 1am on Christmas Day and Police are looking for a local hall/ church that can take 80-100 people for the night. Sleepy children are wearing dressing gowns, clutching teddies and asking: "Has he been yet?"
He certainly had and he got 4yrs inside. Merry Christmas
He certainly had and he got 4yrs inside. Merry Christmas
