if you've ever felt really intense or unmanageable emotions, you might benefit from learning about schemas. so here's what will probably be a very long thread about schemas for you all, from someone newly released from an inpatient program :)

a schema is a persistent belief or thought pattern. if you're constantly made to feel unloved as a child, you probably have the belief that you're unloved and engage in thoughts and actions that affirm that belief.

when an emotional need is unmet during childhood, we form maladaptive schemas, or beliefs/thought patterns that negatively affect us. EVERYONE has at least one maladaptive schema if they've endured trauma, mistreatment, or basically anything negative in childhood.

there are 5 basic needs for everyone:
1. secure attachment (need to belong)
2. autonomy/identity (need to be loved/accepted)
3. realistic limits (need for guidance & structure)
4. freedom of expression/self-appreciation (need to matter)
5. spontaneity (need for room to stretch)

when any of those needs are unmet, maladaptive schema comes into play. there are 18 maladaptive schemas that fall under each of these 5 domains of needs.

first domain is unmet secure attachment. this results in a feeling of disconnection and rejection. five schemas fall under this domain:

1. abandonment/instability: others will leave me. I always expect relationships to end.
2. defectiveness/shame: I am unlovable. if they really knew me, they'd stop loving me.
3. emotional deprivation: others can't be counted on. I can only trust myself to meet my needs.

4. mistrust/abuse: others have bad intentions. I always expect everyone to actively harm me, not just leave.
5. social isolation/alienation: I don't belong. I can never truly be a part of anything.

second domain is impaired autonomy/performance, when your need for autonomy/identity is unmet. this results in 4 maladaptive schemas.

1. dependence/incompetence: I can't. I rely on others to make decisions/do tasks.
2. enmeshment/undeveloped self: I can't survive without another. I am empty without a connection. I depend upon relationships.
3. failure: I won't achieve. I underachieve and self-sabotage.

4. vulnerability to harm: I am not safe. There is always a catastrophe about to happen. I am constantly in survival mode.

third domain is impaired limits, when your need for realistic limits was not met. it has two schemas.

1. entitlement: I deserve. Since I had ___, I should get ___.
2. insufficient self-control/discipline: I can't trust myself. I was probably raised with either extreme discipline, lack of discipline, or inconsistent discipline with seemingly no reasoning.

fourth domain is other directedness/self-doubt. this comes from the need of freedom of expression/self-appreciation being unmet. it has three schemas associated with it.

1. approval/recognition seeking: Am I OK? I need the approval and validation of others. Love is conditional.
2. self-sacrifice: others deserve. My self-esteem comes from helping others. I feel responsible for the well-being of others.

3. subjugation: others decide. I submit to others in order to avoid rejection/abandonment.

last and fifth domain is over vigilance/inhibition. this comes from the need of spontaneity/play being unmet. this has the final 4 schemas of the 18.

1. emotional inhibition: emotions are problems. They must be suppressed.
2. pessimism/negativity: nothing works out. I concern myself with possible future problems.
3. punitiveness: everyone should. I am overly critical and unforgiving. I have many rules for others.

4. unrelenting standards: I'm not good enough. I always strive for more. I procrastinate often. I cannot give myself room to celebrate success. I must move to the next goal.

ok, cool hattie, now we know the schemas. there's a lot! that's true. there are three ways schemas manifest in our actions/thoughts/words. these are the ways in which we perpetuate these negative beliefs.

1. surrender: you give into the belief. for example, if you have the mistrust/abuse schema, you might seek out abusive relationships in adulthood. it's your way of validating the belief you have of yourself.

2. avoidance: you do whatever you can to avoid your schema(s). if you have the failure schema, you might avoid an opportunity for a new job because you know you have to interview, which means you might not get the job if you don't do well.

3. overcompensation: you act the opposite of what your schema says, not because you believe it, but to avoid triggering the schema. if you have defectiveness/shame schema, you might come across as overly confident so it doesn't look like you are ashamed of yourself.

(if you want other examples for your specific schemas that you identify with and want to know how surrender, avoidance, and overcompensation looks like with each, DM me! I have a chart lol)

now that I know all of this, how can I know when schema-brain is in use? good question. you might find yourself doing these things, and that is how you know your maladaptive schemas are coming out:

-engaging in something you know is bad for you
-sabotaging things that you know are good for you
-grossed out by compliments
-annoyed with kind people
-making excuses instead of decisions
-you say "I'm over it" about things you keep talking about

-you'd rather chew off your own arm than ask for help
-staying mad longer than others
-comparing your reality to others social media lives
-procrastinating things that are bothering you
-feeling alone in a room of people
-declaring yourself a burden with no evidence

-coming up with scenarios or situations that make you feel bad on purpose
-deciding someone else's opinion of you without asking them
-believing that avoidance is a solution
-avoiding conflict even if that means you lose something
-giving advice you don't take

-believing something applies to you but nobody else
-feeling left out when you're not invited, but inconvenienced when you are
-feeling more at ease during a crisis

so how do you heal from schemas? first, you have to identify them as they are happening. these likely happen in times of stress, change, and self-help. look for the patterns of your actions where you are engaging in self-defeating behaviors. just identifying it can help heal.

next, you can think of all the reasons your schema might be wrong. if you have the failure schema, for example, what are all the ways you've succeeded even when you didn't think you would? times you didn't fail when you thought you would?

most people with maladaptive schemas just need to "clean off their glasses". it requires a lot of hard work because the beliefs are so inherent. if you've identified the times your schema comes out, engaging in calming behaviors (breathing, etc) first will help.

that's the end of the thread, I don't have a whole lot left there. it's best to talk it out with yourself when you acknowledge which schemas are obstructing your life. they can be changed, but it takes a lot of time, so don't be surprised if you still do it tomorrow :)