TIL yet another incident management platform. OK y'all, here's Amy's unfiltered take on these things:

the events your bot captures in chat are not the events, they're a proxy for what happened in the real world and need review/annotation to make them part of a useful and accurate timeline of events, just capturing isn't even meeting the bar

please please please think through how much cognitive load your bot requires to use it effectively. I got this wrong in Scorebot and some of the current crop of products get it really wrong. the fiddly bot setup crap responders must do detracts from the real work: the incident

you cannot possibly auto-generate a post-incident analysis

no amount of "AI" will get you there

your job here is to provide a COGNITIVE ASSIST to analysts and engineers

the metrics you are reporting are 100% pure organic-grade bullshit

all of them

they might help a team escape from oncall hell here & there but let's not pretend any of those metrics reflect reality or are free of harm. MTT* is bullshit. counting SEVs is bullshit.

if you're not helping me manage the process of taking incidents and extracting the maximum learning and system growth possible, you're wasting my fucking time. I can write a bot to capture stuff in a few hours

if your WYSIWYG editor sucks more than a Google/Word doc, just stop, remove that shit, and integrate google docs and make it easy to pop data into them (there are APIs for this! I've looked at it, all doable, if you care)

get
the
fuck
out
of
here
with
"postmortem"
and
"root cause"

fishbone analysis is not the same thing as contributing factors. if you don't know what those are, I dunno what the hell you're doing

the biggest problem in incident management is "who do I call for this problem? who is the SME? where are they? how do I get ahold of them? which pager rotation do I need?" and all the current crop of products I've seen don't even touch on it (because it's really hard!)

most incident report templates suck, yours too, probably

if any of y'all sue each other I will show up as an expert witness for the defendant every time and say you are all full of shit and all of this was old news when I started talking about it in 2016 so fuck off with your claims of innovation

things I actually want:
* some way to tell if people are reading analysis
* a bot to capture stuff and a UX to make annotations easy
* evidence memorialization & organization
* automatic zoom transcripts
* event graphs, NOT LINEAR
* don't waste my responders' cognitive capacity