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He sees his father as stoic, reserved, and irreverent about the things his mother reveres. His demons are amplified because they are seen through the mother's eyes. He never experiences his pain. He only experiences the second-degree consequences of his pain through his mother.
This leads to a split between the son and the father. The son is convinced about the father's jadedness and the father is convinced about the son's naivete. Neither benefits from this exchange and love for the other, if at all, is felt privately and passively.
This is bad. A great father has much to teach his son about the nature of the world. A great son has much to teach his father about second chances. But none of this happens until one of them decides to break the chain.
You can truly see your father for who he is once you stop seeing from the eyes of your mother. Your mother looks to him as a lover and caregiver. I dare you to see him as a man struggling to make sense of his experiences. Above all, I dare you to see him as a man.
A girl knows she is a woman the day she gets her period. Her biology transforms her into a fragile human capable of both life and death. That is the beginning of her 'Memento Mori.'
Boys do not have biology like that. Until they consciously force themselves to step foot into the world of their fathers/older brothers/uncles, and as a result into the transcendental spirit of the Father, they will forever be lost and suffering.
In an age devoid of rites of passage, the closest thing we have as males is proximity to our fathers. We should make the most of it. And, for those of us who are fatherless, the masculine spirit avails itself in many forms. Keep your eyes open.
