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Pair Bonding and Promiscuity thread for @threadapalooza 2020. This may not be 100 tweets, but it will be long. Buckle up, chumps, and say goodbye to your timelines.
1.) There's no way to get around this in order to make my point. I was promiscuous for about 5 years. Not crazy promiscuous, but enough that those who knew me would say I was on the sluttier side of the spectrum.
2.) I see a lot of talk from red pill enthusiasts & their female counterparts claiming that promiscuity 1-Makes women undesirable, 2-shortens the window of time women are marriageable, 3-physiologically impacts us in ways we cannot understand.
3.) I'd like to take these complaints (and others) as being good faith arguments, and then refute their points.
4. A.) Past promiscuity makes women undesirable to "serious" partners.
So, if this turns men off to women, the women shouldn't take it as a negative. It's a filtering device. If you're looking for your soulmate, it's likely they'll share almost all of your values--
So, if this turns men off to women, the women shouldn't take it as a negative. It's a filtering device. If you're looking for your soulmate, it's likely they'll share almost all of your values--
5.) and past promiscuity won't bother them. If it was important for you to be promiscuous, then this filter is a good thing. You're filtering for people love you as you are in the present.
6.) This is my query to anyone bothered by their partner's sexual history in good faith. Imagine you've been with your partner for 2 yrs. It's been a loving, wholly faithful relationship, and you suddenly find out your partner had a more extensive sexual history than you thought.
7.) If your partner's past hasn't informed their actions in the time that you've known them in a noticable way, what makes you think it will inform anything about the future?
8. B.) It shortens the window of time in which women are marriageable.
This one is pretty well defeated by statistics, I think. https://www.thespruce.com/estimated-median-age-marriage-2303878
This one is pretty well defeated by statistics, I think. https://www.thespruce.com/estimated-median-age-marriage-2303878
9.) Women (&men, but not by such a large margin) are marrying much later, and to say this is all sex positivity's fault is to ignore many factors that have changed in the same time period.
10.) I'll give one of the many reasons for this. More women work than ever, so there's no longer a rush to marry to be provided for or because she wants to move out of her parent's house. A lot has changed besides the rise of the "Cosmo" and "Sex and the City" sexual narrative.
11.) One could claim that women are using this time to slut around, but in my experience, that's not the case. From what I see, it seems that many people are dating their eventual spouse for longer periods of time before marrying. Most people I know engage in multiple long-term--
12.) (1+ yrs) relationships in their twenties. I have no stat. evidence for this. On this point I'm speaking purely from what I see around me from fellow twentysomethings.
13. C.) Promiscuity physiologically affects women in ways they cannot understand.
14.) Ignoring the obv sexist idea this is predicated upon (women can't speak to their own experiences, are incapable of understanding the consequences of their actions, & are slaves to their physiology in a way men are not), this is a great example of the sort of purported ---
15.) biotruth that the redpillers loves to parade around. What irritates me is that, to a layman, this sounds true while it is only a part of a larger, harder to understand actual truth. *Humans are the only species on earth that is both a pair-bonding and tournament species.*
16.) There is evidence humans have always had elements of both strategies. Though monogamy has been the dominant mating blueprint for a very long time, culture plays a huge role in human sexuality, love, and reproduction. And guess what?
17.) Every culture on earth has different blueprints based on the structure of their society, which could vary widely from culture to culture. *We'll come back to this topic in a minute, hang on*
18.) I have yet to see any credible evidence that promiscuity changes the female body or brain in measurable ways. If there's some CREDIBLE information out there, go ahead and send it to me. For now I'm gonna move on ahead with my point.
19.) Here I'm gonna speak from experience. I was promiscuous and am now with the man I will end up marrying, barring any life-shattering events. I'm 24 years old, still hot and my sexual marketplace value is still as high as it'll ever be. What I keep hearing from these types---
20.) is that my past promiscuity will affect my ability to love my partner, enjoy him sexually, and make me more likely to cheat in the future.
21.) So, for starters, none of these things is true about me. Now that we've gotten that out of the way, we can move on. In my current relationship, I'm consistently surprised by how little sexual response I have for men or women that aren't my partner--Even people that would've
22.) been exactly my type when I was single. My partner jokes that he sees other women as "gray blobs" (what a wonderful man, right?) but that's actually pretty true of my experience these days. I can note that another person is attractive, but they cause no physical response.
23.) There's no flush, no giggles, nothing. I don't feel anything for them. I'm not sure if others can speak to this, but it's true for me. If it's true that promiscuity robbed me of my physiological ability to "pair-bond" with my partner, why can't I be attracted to other men?
24.) There's a pervasive idea that women that are sexually experienced will compare their husband's sexual performance to that of every man they've had, the implication being that women will be disappointed w/ their husbands. This is, to me, really interesting.
25.) Are we supposed to believe that, if women have nothing to compare it to, they'll be content with their one sexual partner? Is this argument for naivety a good one? Is it better for women to have an unfulfilling sex life, as long as she's content with it (bc she doesn't know
any better) than for her to be disappointed? I'd argue that it isn't. As long as one isn't completely selfish, sexual performance isn't a one-size-fits-all garment. Beyond the baseline (that would be different for every woman), what makes a good lover is extremely varied.
27.) People don't have the same taste in lovers just like they don't have the same taste in food, music, or fashion. One could make the claim, "well, there's biology at work here," and yes, there is, but explain why women have completely different tastes in men if all they're--
28.) really measuring for is "ability to provide". Evopsych explains a small portion of human behavior across cultures. It isn't a 1-size-fits-all solution. It speaks to universal truths but has little room for variance. It holds 1% stock in every company on earth, but isn't a --
29.) majority shareholder anywhere.
I'll add to this with my personal experience. Gun to my head, I don't think I could rank every lover I've ever had. There's too much difference between each one, what they brought to the experience and to me. Beyond a certain baseline of
I'll add to this with my personal experience. Gun to my head, I don't think I could rank every lover I've ever had. There's too much difference between each one, what they brought to the experience and to me. Beyond a certain baseline of
30.) "this was dangerous, we were incompatible, this person was terrible for non-sexual reasons", I have no way of ranking them. If this sounds ridiculous-- could you rank your friends? On what scale? Is there an objective way to rank human interaction?
31.) Another thought is that, bc I'm sexually seasoned, I'm more likely to cheat on my partner. This one is sort of laughable to me, but let's go with it. It's the same as saying anyone who's extroverted is more likely to ghost their friends.
32.) I've never cheated on any partner of mine. Also, when I was being promiscuous, I tended to do it with one partner over a span of time with the promise that, if we had a sexual tryst with someone outside of our compact, we'd tell each other. This very rarely happened.
33.) If promiscuity is really rooted in the need for sex, then having a "call me anytime" person tended to solve that problem. I never broke this contract either. I'll be 100% honest & say I don't really understand the motives for people to cheat, because I've never felt them.
34.)I may have gotten around, but one could say I was "ethical" about it.
35.) FINAL THOUGHTS
Obviously this is a defense of sex positivity for women, which is I think is a net good for women like me, though the jury is still out on its effect on the culture at large. Though promiscuity is becoming more socially acceptable, modesty is not under attack.
Obviously this is a defense of sex positivity for women, which is I think is a net good for women like me, though the jury is still out on its effect on the culture at large. Though promiscuity is becoming more socially acceptable, modesty is not under attack.
36.) But as for the sex wars-Everyone is trying to reduce the trials and tribulations of human sexuality. The thing is, it's an absolutely impossible goal. You can't dummy-proof it. It's too layered, too complex, & too prescriptive. What works for one won't work for another.
*As long as people are engaging with their sexuality in a way that works for them, they're doing the best that anyone could hope for.*
I was promiscuous and it worked for me. Modesty works for others, and I won't deny it bc it's obviously true. I had a conversation with a friend about a girl we knew who was sexually inexperienced, and in doing her best to imitate me, was knocking boots with several new partners.
She was not having a good time. I expressed to my friend (and later, the girl in question) something pretty close to my thesis statement here.
I'm a slut, and that's fine. But for some, it is not. If you're a slut, be a slut. But if you aren't built for it, you don't have to be, and NOBODY should be buying into any cultural narrative that doesn't fit them.
As a bonus: @KenBearIsland once called me "The George Orwell of casual sex." Discuss amongst yourselves what that might mean, homework due tomorrow. Thanks for tagging along.
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