As someone who has been tormented by the flying monkeys of a malignant narcissist, I work very very hard to avoid becoming a flying monkey.

How? I research independently, I speak to both parties, and I try to remain neutral and objective when I can. It’s not always possible,

granted. Some thing provoke an emotional reaction from me and I cannot remain neutral. Some causes will not permit neutrality. In some cases silence is violence. But for those issues that are not, especially interpersonal conflict when I am late to the game, I stay out of it

if at all possible.

Perception is reality. I don’t doubt that. But having seen the terrific damage that flying monkeys can do... the ongoing abuse and trauma that occurs at their hands... I would rather err on the side of quiet support for some causes.

I suspect it speaks to

another characteristic as well - being conflict averse. I used to see that as weakness. Now I understand it to be a survival tool.

Point being, be very careful who/when/what causes you champion. Believe victims until there is a reason not to. Defend victims. But also, look

carefully at all sides before picking one. And no, of course I am not speaking about blatant misogyny, racism, child abuse, etc. There are some pretty obvious uncontroversial issues. But for anything that is a grey area, look hard at the evidence for yourself. Believe people, but

maintain healthy skepticism.

The biggest regrets I have are being played for a fool. Being converted into someone else’s flying monkey. Those are the few moments in my life where I have been forced to swallow my pride, offer sincere apologies for the harm I caused, and make

amends. I was not intending to do so, but by not questioning and thinking critically and asking for verification of facts before intervening, I became a means of extension of harm.

Listen, look at the evidence for yourself. Maintain healthy skepticism. Avoid being a flying

monkey. Malignant narcissists do enough harm on their own. Don’t become a tool in their abusive toolbox.