Thread by @realjacksonford, A thread about being kind to yourself...from someone who can't stand the [...]

A thread about being kind to yourself...from someone who can't stand the phrase 'Be kind to yourself' /1

I really do hate that phrase. It's fucking asinine. It's deployed like a psychological catch-all, like it'll miraculously solve your problems.

But nobody ever tells you how, beyond advice about bubble baths and scented candles and GET MOR SLEEEEEP. /2

Here's an example. Last week, I hit 100k words in the new Teagan Frost book. Coincidentally, that was exactly the point where I wrapped up her section of the story. My next task was to write the chapters of...another character (no spoilers) /3

I also have some vacation time coming up this week, and I try not to write when I'm spending time with loved ones.

Which left me with a quandary. Start writing again immediately? Pick it up later? I wasn't going to miss any deadlines. How should I be kind to myself? /4

Because don't get it twisted: after this year, I was fucking beat. Finito. I am past the point of burnt out.

What would being kind to myself, in this case, look like? /5

On one hand, it could mean "Just keep writing because you have momentum and you are a professional, and hardcore as fuck."

On the other: "you are a charred husk of burned carbon after 2020, and anything you write is covered in soot. Take a break before the next section." /6

To this, the BE KIND TO YOURSELF people would probably add something like KNOW YOUR OWN BODY or LISTEN TO YOUR HEART

You know, something super helpful /7

Do you see what I mean? These bromides, these cutesy little motivational poster sayings, are absolutely helpless in the face of what most of us have had to put up with this year. They were never very good to begin with, and 2020 has exposed them for the shite they are /8

At the same time, I did have to make a decision. And I didn't know what would be kinder to myself: giving the book a break for a few weeks, or pushing through and getting it done so I could truly relax.

So I reframed the question. And this is where it gets good. /9

This week, I came across the phrase: "when the blade is blunt, the work is harder."

I fucking love that. It doesn't put this obligation on you to be kind to yourself in some unspecified way. Because really, that's all 'be kind to yourself is'. Another obligation. /10

"When the blade is blunt, the work is harder."

That's a simple statement about the nature of work. It doesn't judge you, or place expectations about how you should treat yourself. It simply says: you can totally do this, but it's going to be a lot tougher. /11

It really puts the work into perspective. Because while I might not know how to be kind to myself all the time, I do know the state of my blade. Right now, it's so blunt it couldn't cut jelly. /12

and that's how I decided to take a few weeks off. To sharpen the blade. To return to the work rested and focused. That's much more helpful.

(Also, I like the saying because it implies that you have a giant fuck-off sword) /13

So as we reach the end of 2020— for many, the worst year they have ever lived— ask yourself this: how is your blade? Can it do the work? And if not, how can you sharpen it?

Love you. J /End

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