Ok ready for a story about masks? Last week we took the baby to a doctor’s appointment. We were in close contact with the doctor in a small enclosed room for 21 minutes (they later checked the logs). At one point when she was examining my son, her face was directly next to mine.

We got a call the next day saying the pediatrician tested positive for COVID-19, and we had all been exposed. Our first thought was: Holy shit, our baby was unmasked (he is MAGA) in a room with a COVID-carrier. The only hope for our family was that the doctor was wearing an N95.

I am immunocompromised and we have been in very strict lockdown since March. We are co-quarantined in a pod with my parents who are both over 60, and my dad had been all over the baby between the appointment and when we got the call. The stakes were pretty high!

This whole week has been a numbers game. We have mapped out that room and the exact motions like fight choreography. “Oh god she touched my arm when he got his ear exam!” “Oh fuck she laughed when he pointed to her scrubs and said ‘Blue!’” We have not slept much.

We have now all tested negative twice. The only reason we’re all ok is the doctor was properly wearing a mask. She was completely asymptomatic (effervescent, even!) and the only reason she knew she had COVID and we knew to isolate away from my parents is she got a routine test.

This holiday season, wear a fucking mask.