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Gaslighting: What It Is and What It Isn't (manipulation, narcissism, occasional bad behaviour) [THREAD]:
Gaslighting is a specific type of manipulation where the manipulator tries to get you question your sense of reality, memory, or perceptions. It's serious. It's dangerous.
Gaslighting is a specific type of manipulation where the manipulator tries to get you question your sense of reality, memory, or perceptions. It's serious. It's dangerous.
You begin questioning everything about yourself, your reality. It may start off with something small, but these small incidents build up overtime. You stop being clear minded, lose the ability to focus, or make good decisions. It can happen in both personal or professional rlns.
Techniques gaslighters use:
1. Withholding (meaning the abuser refuses to listen or says they don’t understand)
2. Countering (when the abuser questions the gaslightee’s memory of an event)
3. Diverting (when the abuser changes the subject or questions the victim’s thinking)
1. Withholding (meaning the abuser refuses to listen or says they don’t understand)
2. Countering (when the abuser questions the gaslightee’s memory of an event)
3. Diverting (when the abuser changes the subject or questions the victim’s thinking)
4. Trivializing (making the victim’s needs or feelings seem unimportant)
5. Forgetting/denial (when the manipulator pretends to have forgotten what actually happened or denies something he or she had previously agreed to)
5. Forgetting/denial (when the manipulator pretends to have forgotten what actually happened or denies something he or she had previously agreed to)
Signs you might be being gaslit:
1. You second guess yourself or have trouble making decisions
2. You begin to believe something is wrong with you (like being too sensitive or not a good enough person)
3. You feel confused about your relationship with them
1. You second guess yourself or have trouble making decisions
2. You begin to believe something is wrong with you (like being too sensitive or not a good enough person)
3. You feel confused about your relationship with them
6. You never feel heard in any discussion with them
7. You feel fuzzy or unclear about your thoughts, feelings, or beliefs. You’re always apologizing to them. You're frequently making excuses for their behavior
8. You know something is wrong, but you just don’t know what
7. You feel fuzzy or unclear about your thoughts, feelings, or beliefs. You’re always apologizing to them. You're frequently making excuses for their behavior
8. You know something is wrong, but you just don’t know what
What to do if you're being gaslit:
1. The fact that you recognised the problem is a great first step
2. You're allowed to feel what you're feeling. You've begun to question your reality and sense of self. It's bound to happen.
1. The fact that you recognised the problem is a great first step
2. You're allowed to feel what you're feeling. You've begun to question your reality and sense of self. It's bound to happen.
3. You may have to cut off the person, even if you think they love you, even if you think you've an otherwise great relationship. Please accept that
4. Start with baby steps. Assert yourself slowly. Start saying no to things that make you uncomfortable.
4. Start with baby steps. Assert yourself slowly. Start saying no to things that make you uncomfortable.
5. Get a second opinion. Your sense of reality is muddled. Don't make excuses for the abuser. Ask a close friend whenever you question yourself
6. Be kind to yourself. This is confusing. You have a lot of conflicting feelings. You love them yet hate them. It's ok. This is normal.
6. Be kind to yourself. This is confusing. You have a lot of conflicting feelings. You love them yet hate them. It's ok. This is normal.
Now let's look at what gaslighting IS NOT. It requires an ONGOING relationship between the abuser and victim, wherein the abuser repeatedly exercises significant power over the victim, affecting their emotional, physical, and material wellbeing, in order to control and hurt them.
It's a specific PATTERN. You CANNOT be "gaslit" in a single, one-off interaction with a person you don't know and will never see again, who holds no power over you. Words like “gaslighting” are important to survivors of abuse.
It is not the same as manipulation or someone being an occasional jerk. It's a very specific situation that outsiders can't often understand. When you use words like these trivially, in situations where no gaslighting happens, you are contributing to victim blaming.
Because you cannot walk off from your gaslighter in a minute. It is a cycle. You don't even know what's real anymore. You couldn't have stopped being involved them even if you had wanted. Don't use these words lightly. Don't let anyone else use it lightly either.
Sources:
1. https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.nbcnews.com/better/amp/ncna890866&ved=2ahUKEwjfmM3As8_tAhUv7HMBHatlB1QQFjABegQIAhAF&usg=AOvVaw1kAcGX83i8D20ACMreDoFW&cf=1
2. https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/here-there-and-everywhere/201701/11-warning-signs-gaslighting%3Famp&ved=2ahUKEwjfmM3As8_tAhUv7HMBHatlB1QQFjAKegQIExAB&usg=AOvVaw3T66uFaoCUP3qIoHfunPO7&cf=1
3. https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/think-act-be/201811/when-is-it-gaslighting-and-when-is-it-not%3Famp&ved=2ahUKEwi14bjXs8_tAhW7IbcAHb6uA-oQFjACegQIGhAB&usg=AOvVaw3fJ5zdeIvqfhk_Hi_Ri5e3&cf=1
4. https://medium.com/@voltairine/this-is-not-what-gaslighting-is-3372e1876791
1. https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.nbcnews.com/better/amp/ncna890866&ved=2ahUKEwjfmM3As8_tAhUv7HMBHatlB1QQFjABegQIAhAF&usg=AOvVaw1kAcGX83i8D20ACMreDoFW&cf=1
2. https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/here-there-and-everywhere/201701/11-warning-signs-gaslighting%3Famp&ved=2ahUKEwjfmM3As8_tAhUv7HMBHatlB1QQFjAKegQIExAB&usg=AOvVaw3T66uFaoCUP3qIoHfunPO7&cf=1
3. https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/think-act-be/201811/when-is-it-gaslighting-and-when-is-it-not%3Famp&ved=2ahUKEwi14bjXs8_tAhW7IbcAHb6uA-oQFjACegQIGhAB&usg=AOvVaw3fJ5zdeIvqfhk_Hi_Ri5e3&cf=1
4. https://medium.com/@voltairine/this-is-not-what-gaslighting-is-3372e1876791
