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The 10 different types of bookshop Christmas shopper: a thread.
1. Breezy yet focused, clearly done their pre-prep: Richard Osman, David Attenborough, Caitlin Moran and a card. In and out in 2 mins.
1. Breezy yet focused, clearly done their pre-prep: Richard Osman, David Attenborough, Caitlin Moran and a card. In and out in 2 mins.
2. Slightly panicky but in good spirits. Willing to take a chance. Delights in receiving recommendations for recent fiction highlights but ultimately picks a Hokusai coffee table book because 'I think he said he liked the sea?'
3. Intimidated by choice, crippled by indecision, leaves with £15 voucher because 'It'll be nice for them to choose.' Visibly relieved when it's over.
4. Sarcastic book club Secret Santa. 'Alan will RUE THE DAY he slagged off The Overstory, he's getting The Goldbug Variations.'
4. Sarcastic book club Secret Santa. 'Alan will RUE THE DAY he slagged off The Overstory, he's getting The Goldbug Variations.'
5. 'My father-in-law doesn't read books. Maybe a thriller?'
6. Surreptitious spousal purchase. 'Can I have this one ple-I TOLD YOU TO GO DOWNSTAIRS. Yep, paper bag GO AND WAIT OUTSIDE THIS ISN'T FOR YOU. Great thanks JUST GET OUT STOP LOOKING AT MY BAG GOD YOU'RE ANNOYING.'
7. Aunt/uncle with no clear idea of recipient. Nephew could be 2 or 10 years old, 'not sure, haven't seen him in a while, I do know he is VERY bright for his age.' Ulysses and a unicorn sticker book just in case.
8. Considers every book as if the wrong gift could literally end a friendship. Recommendations offered but every choice fraught with danger. Holds a book in each hand, eyes dart between the two in anguish. Bookseller blamed for resulting emotional trauma in January.
9. Carries their fave new book around the shop for 15 mins while partner pretends not to notice. 'Seen anything you like?' 'No, not really... just this, but I don't need any more books.' Tenderly puts book down, leaves. Partner comes back 10 mins later to purchase.
10. Ultimate panicker, usually seen 22nd-24th, sometimes 27th. Wide-eyed, hat-hair, hopping from foot to foot. Four copies of David Attenborough ('LITERALLY EVERYONE LOVES HIM'), novelty dog book ('SAW HER WITH A DOG ONCE') and an accidental 'With Sympathy' card.
(We love you all of course, open at 10.)
