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THREAD: What to expect from the Radio Times Christmas Issue, robbed of the Booker Prize every year.
December 18th-20th: Single page format per day. Good stuff in Eastenders as we approach the big day. Expect to see one of the Only Fools and Horses feature length Christmas specials, probably that Batman one. Pointless Celebrities Christmas Special from last year also features.
December 21st: Still single page format. The soaps are really amping up, probably cutting down to just one silly storyline now. This year’s Pointless Celebrities Christmas Special airs.
December 22nd: Double page format per day FINALLY. Eastenders is NUTS by now, like season 4 of Breaking Bad. BBC1 shows Cars but who gives a shit.
Christmas Eve Eve: Double page format. Eastenders is like every season finale of Breaking Bad, Mad Men, 24 and The Wire by now. Channel 4’s showing Elf and Twitter will go BERSERK even though they all own it on DVD. BBC2 shows Die Hard which CRASHES Edgelord Twitter.
Christmas Eve: QUADRUPLE PAGE FORMAT. Flog It is STILL on, why, absolute bullshit! A repeat of Nigella or Hairy Bikers or something is on during the day, a Victoria Wood compilation airs and Eastenders is like Citizen Kane crossed with Mad Max Fury Road.
Christmas Day: OCTUPLE PAGE FORMAT. Pixar! Edmonds! Something from a church! QUEEN’S FUCKING SPEECH! Dad’s Army probably. Doctor Who doing some space bullshit, but festive! EASTENDERS BEAMED IN TO HOMES AROUND THE WORLD BLOWING MINDS AND SMASHING BOUNDARIES.
Boxing Day: Back to quadruple page format. An episode of Ever Decreasing Circles airs at 8am and you get melancholy. The Morecombe and Wise "Andrè Preview" Christmas Special is on and your grandad loves it so much he gets angry for some reason. EASTENDERS FALLOUT IS EXPLOSIVE.
December 27th: Double page format I'm afraid. A bunch of Christmas crap is on and also, bizarrely, an extremely gritty documentary about Nazi resistance on Channel 4.
December 28th: Single page format. Things are bleak. At some point a documentary about Ken Dodd will air. Even cheese has started to taste like polystyrene to you so the telly has got similarly jaded and sad. Are you OK? You’re not OK. You feel exercise would help but do none.
December 29th: Single page format. Eastenders begins its second wind as New Years Day’s episode approaches. Thank goodness coz Open All Hours reboot that you catch the end of makes you physically sick.
December 30th: Single page format. What day is it? What time is it? We’re missing Flog It. Life is hard. This year needs to end but a new one beginning seems so awful. Eastenders really smashes it.
New Years Eve: Double page format. HOOTENANY! FIREWORKS! THE KASABIANS! And that’s just Eastenders! Haha just kidding, it’s Jools Holland. Great time to be alive, let old acquaintance be forgot and raise a glass for the sake of Old Langzyme, wherever that is.
New Years Day: QUADRUPLE PAGE FORMAT. Nothing but thoughts of Eastenders, regret and how the next 365 days stretches ahead. Another Pixar airs but who cares, you have Disney+ now.
January 2nd: Single page format. Life is meaningless.
Thank you for enjoying my Radio Times thread, I have one more gig this year and then I have retired for 2020. Check out my Soundcloud. http://paypal.me/soozkempner
