*smug columnist voice*
Let’s face it: Mr. C’s hardly been the ideal former FBI agent; however, discourse about him not leaving this plane of existence are way overblown. Constitutionally, doppelgängers must swap to the Black Lodge after 25 years, NO EXCEPTIONS.

Sorry, posting "um tulpa?" and "lol but Dougie Jones tho" doesn't prove me wrong, it reinforces my initial point: the malevolent beings that feed on garmonbozia (pain and sorrow) have always willingly transferred power at 2:53 p.m., 25 years later, or risked losing legitimacy.

Yes, one BOB-created doppelgänger attempted something a little hinky with the process and GOT ARRESTED. That's the system working as intended and NOT part of a larger statement on the metastasizing cruelty underlying even the quirkily charming parts of Americana.

Love IS enough, and arguing it's not or that "the past is irrevocably lost and returning to it recreates the cycle of pain that allows parasitic beings to continue feasting on us" isn't helping anyone. Sorry, but closing the convenience store or the Black Lodge isn't the answer.

Muting this now because apparently some of y'all don't know how to act online. Like, trying talking to me about Judy? We're gonna keep her out of it, thanks.