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This weekend I was out running and crossed paths with someone on a walk
Neither of us was wearing a mask, but as I veered away to make space she pulled one up to cover her nose and mouth
She was Black. I am white
A Thread
Neither of us was wearing a mask, but as I veered away to make space she pulled one up to cover her nose and mouth
She was Black. I am white
A Thread
Three thoughts went through my mind. I’ll take them in order
First, and easiest to deal with, should I be wearing a mask while running?
First, and easiest to deal with, should I be wearing a mask while running?
I’m sure opinions will vary, but just know that this is Atlanta and there is plenty of space to keep your distance from others when you’re in the streets
But, to be clear, I don’t think she’s acting any kind of way for slipping that mask up when she sees me
Here are the COVID numbers in my county. Scary stuff
Here are the COVID numbers in my county. Scary stuff
If she had been white that would have been the end of my wondering. There would be no thread
But she was Black, which leads me to my second thought
But she was Black, which leads me to my second thought
I wonder what she thought of me?
Not just from a virus point of view, but as a person
A white person
Not just from a virus point of view, but as a person
A white person
Did she see my lack of a mask & my white skin and make an assumption about me?
Did she think I would laugh at her? Say something smart?
Or worse, say something cruel or threaten her in some way?
Did she think I would laugh at her? Say something smart?
Or worse, say something cruel or threaten her in some way?
Out running I had no way to signal to her that I was on her side
That I wear a mask every time I’m inside a public place
That I haven’t been inside a friend’s house in months
That I don’t eat in restaurants
That I teach all day in our local public school, masked up
That I wear a mask every time I’m inside a public place
That I haven’t been inside a friend’s house in months
That I don’t eat in restaurants
That I teach all day in our local public school, masked up
Out in the streets, absent all context, I could have been any kind of person. I could have been a threat to her in multiple ways related to this virus
For all she knew I was one of the 70% of white Georgians who voted for Trump, who voted at least in part against science. Many of whom might think she is crazy for wearing that mask. Many of whom believe their freedoms matter more than someone else’s health
I had no way signal to her in my usual ways that I considered myself “good white people”
That I teach classes full of Black & brown kids.
That I write essays about race & racism. That Twitter trolls me on the regular for my “libtard” views
That I teach classes full of Black & brown kids.
That I write essays about race & racism. That Twitter trolls me on the regular for my “libtard” views
It was less than two seconds that we made eye contact, but in that instant I panicked
Because in that moment I was just a random white guy without a mask on the streets of Atlanta
And I had no idea what she thought of that
Because in that moment I was just a random white guy without a mask on the streets of Atlanta
And I had no idea what she thought of that
I do know that she’s not wrong to be afraid of it, though
That random white guy on the streets of Atlanta without a mask might be dangerous to her. I’m not naïve
That random white guy on the streets of Atlanta without a mask might be dangerous to her. I’m not naïve
It hit me hard that right then she might have thought it was me, though
That she might have thought I was one of the dangerous folks
It was a vulnerability I did not enjoy
That she might have thought I was one of the dangerous folks
It was a vulnerability I did not enjoy
But then as I kept running I kept thinking about her, started writing this thread in my mind
And I came to the third thing
And I came to the third thing
Yeah, I voted for Biden
And Clinton
And Obama
Twice
And Clinton
And Obama
Twice
And yeah, I wrote a dissertation about white teachers in the classroom
And a handful of halfway decent essays about about race & racism in the public schools
And a handful of halfway decent essays about about race & racism in the public schools
But I’m still not anything like a “good white person”
I’m not even sure there are anything like “good white people”
Maybe there are just white people who are trying, and white people who aren’t
White people who are working on prejudice & bias, and white people who aren’t
White people who want to change our institutions, and white people who don’t
White people who are working on prejudice & bias, and white people who aren’t
White people who want to change our institutions, and white people who don’t
But just because I’m trying or working doesn’t make me “good”
Wanting to change our institutions doesn’t make me “safe”
Wanting to change our institutions doesn’t make me “safe”
“Better” maybe
“Safer” maybe
But nothing like a finished product, despite all the work I’ve done
“Safer” maybe
But nothing like a finished product, despite all the work I’ve done
And it hit me in that instant what she might see when she looks at me
The three threats she might have felt in that moment on the street
The three threats she might have felt in that moment on the street
One, the virus, which I don’t think I have
Two, the white conservative anti-masker that I’m not, but might have been
And three, that white man I have no choice but to always be
Two, the white conservative anti-masker that I’m not, but might have been
And three, that white man I have no choice but to always be
And it occurred to me that maybe every BIPOC sees that third threat in me, every time they see my face
Even when I’m wearing a mask
Even when I’m teaching Black and brown children
Even if they happen to have read one of my essays
Even when I’m teaching Black and brown children
Even if they happen to have read one of my essays
Maybe they’ll see that in me forever
Maybe I’ll always carry that mark, that scarlet letter splashed across my white skin
Maybe I’ll always carry that mark, that scarlet letter splashed across my white skin
Aside
After “Get Out” a Black friend told me that he was looking at all white people sideways
I laughed and said, “Well, not all, right?”
He didn’t miss a beat when he answered: “No, all y’all. Because you can never be too careful”
After “Get Out” a Black friend told me that he was looking at all white people sideways
I laughed and said, “Well, not all, right?”
He didn’t miss a beat when he answered: “No, all y’all. Because you can never be too careful”
He was half joking. But only half
I have to be okay with that caution, that lack of trust
Because it’s not irrational
Because the wounds are so deep
Because there is still so much work to be done
Because it’s not irrational
Because the wounds are so deep
Because there is still so much work to be done
No matter how far I think I’ve come, I’ve not arrived
There will always be more work for me to do
There will always be more work for me to do
I don’t have an ending here
I went home thinking about these three things and just felt like I had to write them
This thread seemed the quickest way to do that
I went home thinking about these three things and just felt like I had to write them
This thread seemed the quickest way to do that
I needed a way to keep track of that feeling of being a threat
It’s the only way I can continue to work against it
It’s the only way I can continue to work against it
One more time
No matter how far I think I’ve come, I’ve not arrived
There will always be more work for me to do
FINI
No matter how far I think I’ve come, I’ve not arrived
There will always be more work for me to do
FINI
