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adults who work with kids (of any age) or interact with kids in some way, you NEED to read this. Everyone else, please retweet.
This is about Selective Mutism.
Whether you know what that is or you don't, please take a minute to read this thread.
This is about Selective Mutism.
Whether you know what that is or you don't, please take a minute to read this thread.
If you regularly interact with kids, there's a good chance you've met a kid who has a super tough time talking to you, or won't talk to you at all, especially when they are upset or scared. This is most likely selective mutism. It is very important that you know how to deal with-
-these situations, and how to better accommodate for the kid.
First: Selective mutism is a disorder that can often accompany social anxiety. It can develop from trauma, or it can occur naturally.
First: Selective mutism is a disorder that can often accompany social anxiety. It can develop from trauma, or it can occur naturally.
It causes kids to shut down in social situations when they need to, or should be able to talk. There's no short term way around it. If the kid won't talk, don't try to make them talk.
a few things you need to know about handling a situation like this:
1. They're still listening to what you're saying. You don't need to speak any differently or at a different volume just because they won't respond.
1. They're still listening to what you're saying. You don't need to speak any differently or at a different volume just because they won't respond.
2. They will most likely shake, fidget and/or cry. That's a part of the episode they're having, and you can't make them feel guilty or get mad at them for doing it. They cannot help it.
3. The situation is worse for them than it is for you. They likely dreaded this moment for a long time before you spoke to them, and it will leave a mark on their mental progress, especially if you don't handle it right.
4. getting angry and snapping at them is the ABSOLUTE WORST thing you can do to them in that moment. Raising your voice at all is going to make it worse.
5. Waiting for them to answer is not going to help anyone. If you just wait in silence for them to talk to you, it's never going to happen.
6. If you really need an answer, try asking yes or no questions and ask them calmly to nod or shake their head. Sometimes they can't even do that.
7. If you really need an answer, try to give them a break from the situation. I don't mean just sitting there waiting and staring at them. Leave the room, or take them to a parent and bring them back in a bit. Only do this once if needed, if it doesn't work just move on.
8. If you don't absolutely NEED them to speak to you, it's not necessary. If someone else has the answer or can make the decision, just ask them. The kid is not entitled to answer you just because you're speaking to them. It's not about disrespect, it's fear.
9. if you think you're "different and good at handling the situation," you're most likely wrong. Just because you think you're charismatic doesn't mean they'll talk to you. Don't take it personally, but you're the same as everyone else that tries to talk to them.
9.5. If you say "well they've never dealt with me yet, I'm not like other adults!" you're absolutely wrong and will definitely stress them out, maybe even more than usual.
10. If there's an option for them to speak to a parent or guardian, and then the guardian tells you, take that option. It's much easier and more comfortable for everyone.
11. this experience will likely affect them the whole day and maybe time after that. It takes so much energy just to interact with people in this way.
12. if you're a teacher of some sort, please know that group projects can be stressful for these kids. Pair them up with people they know if you can, and dont take away points if they don't communicate as well.
13. if you're a teacher of some sort, do not make this kid present in front of the class if they don't need to. They're most likely gonna shut down like any other situation
13.5. an "accomodation" is not "do the presentation privately to me." This is not going to work either. The same thing will probably happen, especially if the student is not used to you or does not know you well yet.
14. this is the most important thing. Let the kid know that their reactions are valid and that they don't need to do anything that is going to cause them this much stress. Give them opportunities to do things other ways.
TW // described panic attack
here's an experience I had today that highlights everything you should NOT DO in one of these situations!
TLDR: I shut down at the orthodontists, the doctor handled it extremely wrong, and it was the worst experience I've had in a little while.
here's an experience I had today that highlights everything you should NOT DO in one of these situations!
TLDR: I shut down at the orthodontists, the doctor handled it extremely wrong, and it was the worst experience I've had in a little while.
kids with selective mutism are not just "shy," "antisocial" or "introverted." Most of all, we are NOT weak. Our struggles are real and valid.
if you care at all, PLEASE do more research. There are so many of us who are never heard. We're here, and we just want to get by.
https://selectivemutismcenter.org/whatisselectivemutism/#:~:text=Selective%20Mutism%20is%20a%20complex,comfortable%2C%20secure%2C%20and%20relaxed.
https://selectivemutismcenter.org/whatisselectivemutism/#:~:text=Selective%20Mutism%20is%20a%20complex,comfortable%2C%20secure%2C%20and%20relaxed.
remember, we DO NOT owe you a verbal conversation just because you're a "superior" 
one more thing: all of this applies to parents too!
If you're a parent and your kid struggles with this, they are most likely going to struggle in school. Support them, don't get angry, and try to make home a comfortable environment for them. Something they can look forward to.
If you're a parent and your kid struggles with this, they are most likely going to struggle in school. Support them, don't get angry, and try to make home a comfortable environment for them. Something they can look forward to.
ok just ONE more thing!! older teens and even adults can struggle with this as well. It's not exclusive to smaller kids. Also, it's not your business how they developed it. The whole point is they're not gonna talk. Never ask anyone something you know may be related to trauma.
here's another extremely helpful article!! https://www.thehighlysensitivechild.com/myths-about-selective-mutism/
