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#SingleLogBridge Donation ficlet for @Ira1237
Lwj is anxious. He's ben anxious for as long as he can remember. A steady flutter in his chest, a cruel twist to his stomach. It's not something he likes to let others see. He rather hide it away far from judgmental eyes.
Lwj is anxious. He's ben anxious for as long as he can remember. A steady flutter in his chest, a cruel twist to his stomach. It's not something he likes to let others see. He rather hide it away far from judgmental eyes.
Physical touch is a /no/. He learned that early on in life: how adverse he is of the hands of others. Just his mother and his brother allowed for quick touches, soft affection. But no one else.
He's not sure when he started layering his clothes, but it's a part of him now.
He's not sure when he started layering his clothes, but it's a part of him now.
A suit of armor, to protect him from unwanted touches and unwanted feelings. The ever-present crawl underneath his skin.
With more layers of clothing: he feels safe, warm, held. It quiets the roiling in his gut, the need to clench his jaw, if only by a bit.
With more layers of clothing: he feels safe, warm, held. It quiets the roiling in his gut, the need to clench his jaw, if only by a bit.
The day he meets wwx, lwj experiences so many emotions in the course of one afternoon he runs back to his room to put on an extra sweater, despite the summer heat.
Does it protect him against the weight of wwx's gaze on him? Absolutely not.
Does it protect him against the weight of wwx's gaze on him? Absolutely not.
And somehow, wwx worms his way into lwj's heart. There seems to be a space there, reserved, cut out in a wei-ying shaped hole.
For once, the presence of another makes him quiet. The buzzing goes away, the weight of his gaze, his touch, turns into something gentler.
For once, the presence of another makes him quiet. The buzzing goes away, the weight of his gaze, his touch, turns into something gentler.
Something warm and cozy and comforting.
It's not until six months in of dating that wwx asks.
'Lan Zhan, why are you always so bundled up? Do you get cold easily?'
A sensible solution, for a sensible problem. But the anxiety lwj faces isn't /sensible/ doesn't have /reason/.
It's not until six months in of dating that wwx asks.
'Lan Zhan, why are you always so bundled up? Do you get cold easily?'
A sensible solution, for a sensible problem. But the anxiety lwj faces isn't /sensible/ doesn't have /reason/.
And if there's something lwj dislikes more than strangers touching him, it's discussing his feelings. He'd rather get teeth pulled than be subject to being perceived by his loved ones.
But it's not right to lie, so lwj answers, 'No.'
Wwx doesn't push that day.
But it's not right to lie, so lwj answers, 'No.'
Wwx doesn't push that day.
But it's not that easy to ignore. Especially when they start hanging out at each other's apartments. Alone. Uninterrupted.
The first time wwx's hands slip up lwj's shirt he flinches--noticeably.
Wwx instantly removes them, concern dancing across his thick brows.
'Lan Zhan?'
The first time wwx's hands slip up lwj's shirt he flinches--noticeably.
Wwx instantly removes them, concern dancing across his thick brows.
'Lan Zhan?'
Ah, what can lwj say at this point? The roiling in his gut worsens, chest constricting. He hadn't meant to disappoint his partner. It must show across his face because warm hands rub on his clothed shoulders. Lwj is used to that, the casual touches on top of cloth, he likes them.
'Hey, hey woah, sweetheart. What's wrong?' wwx asks, using his thumb to smooth out the fine crease between lwj's brows.
Lwj looks up to meet wwx's eyes. Steady, loving, his Wei Ying. A little bit of the twists in lwj's stomach unwind.
'I--' lwj starts, then stops.
Lwj looks up to meet wwx's eyes. Steady, loving, his Wei Ying. A little bit of the twists in lwj's stomach unwind.
'I--' lwj starts, then stops.
Clearly struggling wwx knocks their foreheads together.
'If it's too soon, we don't have to, Lan Zhan. We don't have to do anything you're uncomfortable with.'
Wwx's voice is soothing. The pressure on his forehead--grounding.
'It's not that...' lwj says.
'Hm?' wwx hums.
'If it's too soon, we don't have to, Lan Zhan. We don't have to do anything you're uncomfortable with.'
Wwx's voice is soothing. The pressure on his forehead--grounding.
'It's not that...' lwj says.
'Hm?' wwx hums.
'It is not that--I don't want to,' lwj says, then takes a steadying breath. 'I want to.'
Wwx beams, it's a devastating sight, lwj thought he was going to pass out the first time he saw it.
'Good! I want to too. You wanna tell me what's going on inside that noggin of yours?'
Wwx beams, it's a devastating sight, lwj thought he was going to pass out the first time he saw it.
'Good! I want to too. You wanna tell me what's going on inside that noggin of yours?'
Lwj mulls it over, feeling slightly sick to his stomach. But if there's anyone he can trust in this world: it's his soulmate, his Wei Ying.
'You once asked me why I wear so much clothing...' lwj starts.
Wwx gives him an encouraging noise, intertwines their fingers.
'You once asked me why I wear so much clothing...' lwj starts.
Wwx gives him an encouraging noise, intertwines their fingers.
'It is not because I am cold--but rather...because layers make me feel safe.'
It's said. No taking it back now. Lwj waits, for some laughter, or brushing off of his feelings, but it doesn't come. Of course it doesn't come, why had lwj thought wwx wouldn't accept this part of him?
It's said. No taking it back now. Lwj waits, for some laughter, or brushing off of his feelings, but it doesn't come. Of course it doesn't come, why had lwj thought wwx wouldn't accept this part of him?
Ah, the anxiety. Of course it was the pesky anxiety: twisting his thoughts and emotions against him, against the people who love and care for him.
Suddenly it's like the clouds have parted, and lwj can see a glimpse of sunshine breaking through.
Suddenly, he wants.
Suddenly it's like the clouds have parted, and lwj can see a glimpse of sunshine breaking through.
Suddenly, he wants.
He wants wwx to shed his layers, put those calloused hands on his skin. On him--in him. He /wants/.
'Wei Ying...would you...?' lwj starts, ears painfully warm.
Wwx pulls back to look at his face, a tilt to his head. 'Yeah? You can ask for anything, Lan Zhan.'
'Wei Ying...would you...?' lwj starts, ears painfully warm.
Wwx pulls back to look at his face, a tilt to his head. 'Yeah? You can ask for anything, Lan Zhan.'
Anything.
'Would you touch me?' lwj whispers. Barely audible.
Wwx smiles again, leaning in to press their lips together. 'I thought you'd never ask.'
It starts slow, wwx always knows what he needs without being told. Perks of being made for each other.
'Would you touch me?' lwj whispers. Barely audible.
Wwx smiles again, leaning in to press their lips together. 'I thought you'd never ask.'
It starts slow, wwx always knows what he needs without being told. Perks of being made for each other.
First, wwx divests him of his cardigan, pushing it back off of his shoulders in movement as slow as molasses. Eyes always on lwj's face for any sign of discomfort. Lips parting, whispering encouragement and words of affirmation.
Then, the button down.
Then, the button down.
Lwj watches as each button becomes undone. The focus on movement allows his mind and body to settle.
Wwx pushes that off as well, and now there's just a white t-shirt, the softest cotton for the last layer. Wwx doesn't take it off yet.
Wwx pushes that off as well, and now there's just a white t-shirt, the softest cotton for the last layer. Wwx doesn't take it off yet.
Just trails his fingers down the exposed skin of lwj's arms which creates goosebumps in their wake.
'Good?' wwx asks, moving his hands in patterns on lwj's skin.
Lwj nods his head, wwx's hands are warm, and firm.
Wwx continues.
'Good?' wwx asks, moving his hands in patterns on lwj's skin.
Lwj nods his head, wwx's hands are warm, and firm.
Wwx continues.
First over the t-shirt, hands dancing across his stomach and chest. It's a lot, blissfully lwj's mind goes eerily blank. Just the feeling of wwx's hands on his body, peaceful.
Then, wwx dips his hands underneath the hem of lwj's shirt, pausing there.
'Okay?' wwx asks.
Then, wwx dips his hands underneath the hem of lwj's shirt, pausing there.
'Okay?' wwx asks.
'Okay,' lwj responds. And it is, truly, okay.
Wwx hums as drags his hands up across lwj's sensitive which dips underneath the attention. Then up across defined pecs, gently brushing across nipples already hardened underneath wwx's skillful hands.
Wwx hums as drags his hands up across lwj's sensitive which dips underneath the attention. Then up across defined pecs, gently brushing across nipples already hardened underneath wwx's skillful hands.
Wwx continues exploring, peeling off lwj's layers one by one until there's nothing on him but his own skin and wwx's hands.
Breath coming heavy lwj's eyes flutter shut and he just lets himself /feel/.
It's all so grounding, stable in a way lwj's never experienced before.
Breath coming heavy lwj's eyes flutter shut and he just lets himself /feel/.
It's all so grounding, stable in a way lwj's never experienced before.
He thinks, underneath wwx's loving caresses, he could stand to shed layers, be more comfortable inside of his own skin.
They don't go further than that that day. But often wwx peels off lwj's layers and explores his skin with curious ands and lwj revels in it.
They don't go further than that that day. But often wwx peels off lwj's layers and explores his skin with curious ands and lwj revels in it.
It's a slow going process, and there's bumps and regression along the way. Progress is never a linear path, after all. But by the one year mark, lwj feels comfortable enough to just /exist/. Devoid of barriers, of layers, of any clothes at al in fact.
Which he has a sneaking suspicious wwx enjoys just as much as he does. It's freeing in a way lwj has never been free before.
Layers may be required for when he needs to deal with the outside world. But here, in their protected space, with wwx's affection which threatens to spillover every day: lwj can be himself, and be loved.
Which is all he's ever wanted in life.
Which is all he's ever wanted in life.
~Fin~! I hope you enjoyed Alin!!! (And everyone else!)
Stay safe, stay hydrated friends!
<3
Stay safe, stay hydrated friends!
<3