Empaths that struggle with codependency.
How to fix it:

A thread.

Empathy is understanding the emotions and experiences of others. As an empath, you pick up on cues that tell you what people are sensing, without needing them to say much.

When empathy becomes codependency, you rely excessively on what others do or say to adjust how you feel.

Codependency never feels good because you obsessively lean on people to feel worthy, useful and loved.

It stops you from being in control of your emotions, for you use others as your inner-compass and they direct how you feel and how you react next.

Here are some steps to help you decrease your codependent habits:

·You're not defective. You're someone who feels a lot, but doesn't put a limit on how much you absorb the emotions of others and how often you're willing to blame them for the turmoil that occurs inside of you.

·Take responsibility for your feelings: accept that others can't necessarily "make you feel" anything. We make ourselves feel emotions by entertaining thoughts and a perception. These lead us to have sensations, and when entertained long enough, sensations turn into emotions.

·Empaths and codependents tend to put people's needs and wants above their own, they feel responsible for people's thoughts, choices and ultimately their trajectory / destiny.

·They tends to lack balance in how they structure their time. They often find themselves in extremes: they either control every little thing 𝑜𝑟 they organize their life around what other people do. Others set the pace and routine and they follow.

·Not being fully in charge of where their attention goes causes the empath who struggles with codependency to constantly be in "reaction" to what others say or do, instead of taking "action" upon your environment.

Learn to delay your reactions and take concrete direct actions.

·Having a schedule that is aligned with your purpose and that you're not willing to sacrifice for others, might help. It will stop you from always tossing aside your goals and putting people's interest first.

·If you tend to reject the idea that you come first, it'd be good to review what type of messages you received in your childhood about your self-worth.

·Placing your health above everything else will help you make different choices.

·Get comfortable with anger. Anger is a natural emotion, it often hides a primary feeling that you're not willing to fix by yourself: hurt, disappointment, fear, feeling abandoned...

·Cater to the feelings at the root of your angst, just like you'd cater to a child in need.

·Decrease your anticipation of what others need. Notice that being 100 steps ahead is how you try to control your environment and how you attempt to increase predictability (observe what causes you to not feel safe).

·Accept that it's as safe to receive than to give to others.

·Recognize your attraction to needy people. Look at why you associate feeling worthy with feeling needed. You might use how much others need your presence to feel valued.

·Affirm: I'm a good person and I'm loved even when I'm not needed.

·Be cautious of creating new problems just to feel needed again.

·You don't need chaos nor a crisis to solve in order to feel like something is happening in your life. Peace is not boring, get comfortable with calmness.

·Look into your childhood wounds. Quit denying that the environment at home was dysfunctional and unhealthy.

·Pay close attention to how defensive you feel when others express that empaths can be malicious and clingy. In your indignation, there's an important message for you.

·Not dealing with codependent habits might lead you to be afraid of who you really are deep down. Continually repressing how you feel could lead you to violence and to wishing extreme ill on people you love who seem to abuse your kindness.

·You must understand that overly giving, overly doing for others isn't necessarily kindness. It can be very manipulative. The need to manipulate comes from your fear of lacking control.

·Stop stalking and playing detective; quit trying to catch people in acts of misbehavior. This starts with treating everyone as a fully capable adult, even if you can hear their wounded inner child's very clearly.

Focus on your inner-child instead.

·Allow things to unfold naturally, without micro managing everything.

·Check-in with the part of you that can't stop believing lies, even you know you're not being told the truth.

·Do you love yourself? Why do you look for love in people who're unable to love at the moment? Why do you feel like it's up to you to fix them? Why do you love a challenge so much? Why can't you receive love once it's given to you?

Don't tell me directly, journaling will help.

·Learn to directly ask for what you need. It might not come out right at first, but you can adjust as you learn.

·Refuse to blame, make threats, give ultimatum or beg. If you say you won't tolerate something, prove to yourself that you don't endure it by placing strong limits. Have rules, not for others but for you. You're the one who should respect your rules, others aren't your children.

·It's possible that you fear lacking control, yet notice how your lack of control is reflected in other areas of your life: over-eat, overthink, over-involved in people's life, feeling vengeful, addicted to things exterior to yourself: serial crushes, shopping, substances abuse..

·Read everything you can about unhealthy attachment and detachment. Decide that you will increase your knowledge, not on why others act the way they do (stop that thing you do where you obsessively research and diagnose others with disorders), but on why you act the way YOU do.

HOMEWORK:

·Who and what causes me to worry or to think obsessively?
·What will happen if I detach from all the problems in my life?
·How would my life look like if these people and problems didn't exist?
·In what ways do I show myself that I love myself?
·What can I change now?

Final note:
I enjoy writing those threads because I get to follow my impulses and create at my own pace and on my own accord.

Following this, it's not okay to unload everything that's happening to you in my DMs and make me feel like your life depends on my response.

It NEVER feels good when one unloads on others without their permission. It can be manipulative and self-centered. It's similar to how others drain your energy and you don't see that you're about to do the same to me. I won't respond if you that.

It's okay to ask question below: