Need a therapist lol, I feel less and less comfortable with the idea of becoming a bigger youtuber and having people looking for every single one of my move, judging me by the pieces of out of context clips they see. might need another job

I just don't feel like I could handle/would like myself as a character to be the flattest person ever, lying about who I am, shutting the fuck up on things I disagree on, and just following an angry and cruel mob that think they're always doing the "right thing".

I know this is a solution lots of people choose, but I don't think I'd want it

I really love doing what I do, I'm just not comfortable with the exposure that goes with it

I feel like I should ask myself those questions while I still can decide on whether I want to have a normal life or a normal life parasitized by a huge amount of people

Like, that's always what you want when you're a child, be popular, appreciated and everything, but, what does it cost? I sometimes feel like playing a character that isn't easily recognisable as a character is just like selling your soul to the devil, you appear as the best

person ever, while you actually just appear like that by fear of yourself and others, hiding who you truly are, sometimes using that as a way to manipulate an audience, whether that audience is young or not, to try to relate more to them and turn all of that into cash.

It just doesn't sit right with me.
But then, what does "being you" cost?
People will be used to others being "flat" to all those characters in movies, those written parts of fake lives which have been thought to avoid past or current controversies. Because, reminder, you are

a content machine, whether you want it or not, it doesn't matter if you have feelings to them. If you can make content, those people can make content out of you. Because in the end, drama is just a harmful type of content.
So, what would it cost to yourself, your mental health to

simply be you, that improvised person, which just simply can't think enough about what is being said, if it's going to cause problems or not, since, it's real-time, and as far as I know, you only know to the limit of your knowledge, and you can't just google things you never even

suspected to be "wrong".
So, what does it cost?
I don't know, but the sample of what I've seen makes me feel like I don't want to know, but I also don't feel like losing who I am.
So, I end up with those questions.
Who am I and who do I want to become?

Today, I am me, but who do I want to become? I don't know, but probably not a soulless flat version of me, neither a punching ball for people who are just as insecure as me about who they want to be.