DEBUNKING ALL CANADA BELIEVER CLAIMS — A THREAD

I've been seeing a lot of tweets on my tl lately that seem to either presuppose or outright assert the supposed existence of Canada. I would like to take a few minutes debunking these nonsensical claims.

There's a lot of misinformation surrounding the notion of Canada. Many Canadists¹ claim that Canada is an independent nation. Yet when asked who the monarch ruling their nation is, they respond "Queen Elizabeth II" — the monarch of England. This argument falls apart quickly.

If it is truly an 'independent' nation, why is it led by another nation? This is contradictory, and is also historically consistent: throughout history, the supposed leader of "Canada" has always just been the English monarch. There is nothing independent about that.

Now that the independence of "Canada" is debunked, I would like to turn to its supposed nationhood. The common claim is that Canada is a nation on the northern border of the United States. However, there are quite a few faults in this line of thinking.

For one, what is a 'border'? We can draw an arbitrary line wherever we want, but does that make it a border? Of course not. A random line of felled trees going through North America does not magically create a new nation out of nowhere. That's ridiculous.

For two, the idea that Canada is a geopolitically-distinct entity is ludicrous. What global policy has ever been dictated by Canada? None. What countries have ever engaged in diplomatic relations with Canada? None. Who has ever been to Canada? No one. Because it doesn't exist.

There are only two conceivable explanations to this. One is that Canada does not functionally exist as a state actor, but is rather an extension of the United States. From an IR perspective, this makes sense — American imperialism/expansionism would clear explain this.

Indeed, American states towards the north are larger and have less distinct borders, so it would be hard to discern where America truly ends. As the center of global hegemony, America never really does truly "end"², so it would be logical to conclude it extends northward forever.

However, this argument falls apart as well, for one simple reason: America would have no motive to expand that far north. It is simply too cold for European settlers to survive in for a sustainable amount of time. Colonizers would freeze to death in such conditions.

The only other explanation for the CGC³ is that the landmass simply doesn't exist. In fact, there is no real evidence to support that it does exist, and all supposed "evidence" does not meet scientific standards.

For instance, there is no linguistic data supporting Canadist claims. The very very accurate linguistic definition of a language as "a dialect with an army and navy" doesn't match — if "Canada" has an army and navy, why do they still speak English?

All linguistic data coming out of "Canada" showcases dialectal features that are all present in various northern dialects of the US⁴. Nothing indicates a separate identity, and even if it did, it still would not indicate a separate nation.

There is also a huge amount of cartographical inconsistency in this region, making any border-related claims highly untrustworthy. The borders of "Canada" have changed drastically since its "discovery". "Perhaps continental drift?" I scoff at this notion.

Landmasses don't change, at least not that quickly, proving these "cartographers" were really working off nothing and were making it up all along. Canada's borders have only become consistent in the last century or two, as globalization and Canadism has become dominant.

The list goes on and on. Military history shows Canada involving itself in wars with Korea, Nazi Germany, etc., despite having no motive to. The existence of "Justin Trudeau" has been disproved countless times. It even features something called "Quebec" — a nonsensical claim!

All in all, nothing about Canada is even remotely consistent, and none of the claims add up. Canadist theory is riddled with contradictions and poor scientific standards, and if we are to move into a better world, we must discard this ideology altogether.

¹ Adherents to Canadist ideology, i.e. the belief that Canada exists as an independent state actor and geopolitical entity.
² The sun never sets on the American empire.
³ Canadian Governance Contradiction.
⁴ See the Northern Cities Vowel Shift.