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I left an abusive relationship in the middle of a pandemic, with two young kids, and no stable income.
I was broken, mentally exhausted, sick and numb as a result of years of verbal and emotional abuse.
Today I am healing, finding joy and becoming whole again. And so can you.
I was broken, mentally exhausted, sick and numb as a result of years of verbal and emotional abuse.
Today I am healing, finding joy and becoming whole again. And so can you.
There comes a point when the pain of staying becomes stronger than the fear of leaving. That’s how you know it’s time.
To choose yourself.
To regain control over your life.
To leave.
But it also takes a strong support system. People who won’t ask you to stay and suck it up.
To choose yourself.
To regain control over your life.
To leave.
But it also takes a strong support system. People who won’t ask you to stay and suck it up.
Remember you never know what people are going through behind closed doors.
Don’t ask people to stay in abusive relationships when you have no idea what they are experiencing on a daily basis. Don’t ask them to stay for the children either.
Instead, listen to them.
Don’t ask people to stay in abusive relationships when you have no idea what they are experiencing on a daily basis. Don’t ask them to stay for the children either.
Instead, listen to them.
A lot of women are experiencing abuse without even knowing it. The constant criticism, gaslighting, anger, control, manipulation... it can be so subtle that it becomes « natural ». You don’t question it anymore yet deep inside your self esteem is deteriorating day after day.
If you really want to help, stop asking women « Why don’t you just leave? ». It’s more complex than you’d think. Here are 5 reasons (among others) why people stay in abusive relationships:
1. Fear
2. Financial reasons
3. Loss of self
4. The desire to fix things
5. Children
1. Fear
2. Financial reasons
3. Loss of self
4. The desire to fix things
5. Children
1. FEAR: The most dangerous time for a woman is after she leaves an abusive relationship. Research has shown the risk of domestic homicides is higher during a separation and violence often escalates when the victim decides to leave.
2. FINANCES: Many women who leave abusive relationships return due to financial insecurity. It’s common that the abuser controls the family finances. In the majority of DV cases, there is financial abuse involved, the most powerful method of keeping a victim trapped.
3. LOSS OF SELF: Experiencing domestic abuse, of any form, affects your self-worth, confidence and ability to make healthy choices. Many women feel worthless as a result of constant mistreatment by their partners. It also disrupts their ability to take action and move forward.
4. THE DESIRE TO FIX THINGS: What abusers have in common is that they will make you feel like everything is your fault. So you doubt yourself and never question their behaviour. As a result, you start to believe you need to change who you are to make the relationship work.
5. CHILDREN: Many people stay in abusive relationships because they want their children to grow up with both of their parents, even at the expense of their own well-being. Others are afraid they won’t be able to provide for them as a single parent or loose custody in court.
When the time comes, I will write about how I was able to survive domestic abuse and rebuild myself in a book.
Writing has been my therapy over the years. It’s an essential part of my healing journey.
I don’t need to wait to be healed to write. I write as I heal.
Writing has been my therapy over the years. It’s an essential part of my healing journey.
I don’t need to wait to be healed to write. I write as I heal.
Well, I didn’t expect this to blow up
Thank you all for the outpouring love and support. I choose to speak up to raise awareness and tell people going through similar things that there is hope and they’re not alone.
There is light at the end of the tunnel.
Thank you all for the outpouring love and support. I choose to speak up to raise awareness and tell people going through similar things that there is hope and they’re not alone.
There is light at the end of the tunnel.
... And for the small portion of men who feel upset by this thread, ask yourself the right questions:
1. Why do I feel triggered by this?
2. What part of me has normalized abuse?
3. Why do I feel the need to blame women instead of being supportive?
1. Why do I feel triggered by this?
2. What part of me has normalized abuse?
3. Why do I feel the need to blame women instead of being supportive?
Bottom line: there is and will never be NO justification to abuse, be it physical, verbal, emotional or mental.
Also, victim-shaming is the main reason why women don’t speak up and die in toxic relationships.
If you want to help, educate yourself on DV and have compassion.
Also, victim-shaming is the main reason why women don’t speak up and die in toxic relationships.
If you want to help, educate yourself on DV and have compassion.
The amount of women in my DMs who have been through abusive relationships or are still in one is both scary and reassuring. It breaks my heart knowing that many of us have to put up with this, but it also gives me hope knowing that I am not alone.
