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A phenomenon of being in my late twenties/early thirties that I didn't expect was the onset of my childhood bullies reaching out to me for forgiveness. It almost always coincides with their children reaching the age we were at when the bullying occurred.
It also very often coincides with the discovery that own children are being bullied.
These apologies usually want one of two things from me:
1. Some sort of forgiveness/absolution/closure
2. Advice for the bullied children.
These apologies usually want one of two things from me:
1. Some sort of forgiveness/absolution/closure
2. Advice for the bullied children.
I'm afraid if you're coming to me for the first item, you're barking up the wrong tree. Your apology is like the house fire apologising to the shell of the house. I am not the child I was then. You cannot speak to that child. They are gone. I have had lots of therapy to ensure it
I was a traumatised, disabled child. My life was a series of fires that I was already struggling to manage. You simply poured petrol on some of them.
I do not hate you. I do not forgive you. I nothing you. You are the billboard I stopped noticing on my commute. EMDR does that.
I do not hate you. I do not forgive you. I nothing you. You are the billboard I stopped noticing on my commute. EMDR does that.
For the second item, I used to say that I had no advice for the child other than "Hang on, it gets better" but I realise that I'm speaking to the wrong person.
To the parent: tell your child about who you were and what you did. Examine your motives.
To the parent: tell your child about who you were and what you did. Examine your motives.
Now, examine what it would have taken to stop you. Knowledge you didn't have? A few rough lessons? Use that information if you can.
As for your child, think about your little bully self. Was your target in any way to blame?
The answer is no. TELL YOUR CHILD THAT.
As for your child, think about your little bully self. Was your target in any way to blame?
The answer is no. TELL YOUR CHILD THAT.
Repeat it. Shout it from the rooftops or your child will be in therapy decades from now only starting to believe it.
The target of bullying has done. Nothing. Wrong.
Now go and speak to the school or whoever and stop putting the burden on the victims.
The target of bullying has done. Nothing. Wrong.
Now go and speak to the school or whoever and stop putting the burden on the victims.
Oh and maybe start saving for some private therapy for your kid. They're probably going to need a lot of therapy. I'm still getting it.
One of these requests for advice was worded as wanting to know how I "handled it."
Mate, I ended up in the psych system after a suicide attempt. Needless to say, I did not "handle it."
Mate, I ended up in the psych system after a suicide attempt. Needless to say, I did not "handle it."
That was meant to be darkly funny but I guess you had to be there
