what a day!

A few people pointed out the “w” on “what” should be capitalized.

Also didn’t mean to imply my day is the definitive day for the world. Of course certain parts of the world were experiencing night while I was having a “day.”

And by no means did I mean to flaunt my ability to fully experience a day. Didn’t mean to disrespect coma patients or those that were asleep or just fogging out or really, really high.

Someone just pointed out there was a terrible train accident that took the lives of over 500 yesterday in Asia. I was not referring to that event when I tweeted “what a day.” That would be flip and callous.

I’ve received a lot of comments on this tweet. Some of it constructive. Some of it pretty nasty. But after consulting with a team of crisis PR experts I would like to categorically state that today was actually an unremarkable day.

Just had to comfort my sons Brady and Idaho because kids at their socially distanced Lacrosse match started chanting “what a day” at them and threw cans of La Croix at their faces. LEAVE MY FAMILY OUT OF THIS.

I have just made a sizable donation to The Bad Day Foundation and The Daily Slog Rescue Group. I will also be meeting with several scientists to discuss Greenwich mean time and global variations in sunrise and sunset times.

My wife Kendra and I are heartbroken. We truly had no idea The Bad Day Foundation has ties to The White Eagle of Freedom, a well known white nationalist group. My check to TBF has been cancelled. Please respect my family’s need for privacy at this time.

It is with a heavy heart that I am announcing I am officially stepping down as director of A Day In The Life my film adaption of the famed Beatles song.

My wife asked me to leave the house 2 hours ago. I’m now in a Hampton Inn surrounded by my collection of vintage guitars and my dog Henley. Just got a call from my daughter McCain. She was in tears. She will no longer celebrate birthd**s or holid**s. This is rock bottom.

Many have advised me to go fully transparent in an effort to diffuse this hellish backlash I am caught in.
I have nothing to hide. Here is my entire 24 hour itinerary that I described as noteworthy:

1. Got an early dose of the vaccine through big time Hollywood connections.
2. Had to fire an employee who refused to cut his “dreads.”
3. Got a couple’s massage with a 19 year old I’m mentoring. Holly, great girl. Old soul.
4. Took a private plane to Vegas. Lost 2 mill at war.

5. Visited Phil Spector in prison to drop off holiday gift.
6. Got home to find that the Komodo dragon I keep illegally had died from eating a bunch of coke Holly left out.
7. Sold some stocks my bro Matt Gaetz told me some upcoming new laws will tank.

THAT’S IT. THATS EVERYTHING.
Now can this please end?