It’s a hell’s hallelujah - that which we live. It includes patterns of holding, maintaining and thriving.

This pattern is impacted not only by our tragedy but by events we continue to live. I have to tell you something: on Tuesday I was stopped by an unmarked police car.

Stopped near my home while I was on a walk. I “fit a description”.

I was terrified + will not go into further detail here but I will tell you it has been addressed at highest levels. I will tell you I was thankful it was not my son. I will tell you I am thankful I had a witness

I happened to be on the phone with a friend who is still like me too traumatized to talk about it. Because the irony of me being asked more questions than than the white kid who shot my daughter 8 times in the face ever was is a lot. It was a reminder of this hell’s hallelujah.

It is a reminder of why we should care about every time an injustice occurs. Because every mama deserves her child come home. Not just me. Not just in mass shootings. The pain is the same. The pain left behind is so complex I have health issues I wonder if I would have otherwise.

I want to tell you I am fine. Grateful I was not walking with my son or husband. Because I don’t know if that would have ended differently.

Anyway, this very proud and undaunted Puerto Rican woman had many conversations this week. And continued walking 9,000 steps.

Please continue to pray and advocate and fight for all of our steps.

I walk and I love and I write and I fight and I pray and I laugh and I sing my hallelujahs from hell. Determined to thrive. And these days knowing the goal is to hold.

Hold on.

And by “fine” I mean grateful to be alive and painfully aware that not everyone gets that.

This incident probably took years off my life.