I went to the pool this afternoon for my last lane swim. Things ended up being a bit frustrating. And as I was swimming and thinking about it, I realized what was happening at the pool very much reflected what’s going on in our community right now with COVID and restrictions.

The pool has five lanes for lane swim, with a max of two people per lane. Family swim happens at a different time and then there are 3 lanes of up to 5 from the same household. We get 45 min to swim, most people doing actual lane swim or their own version of aquafit.

There was a family of 4. They had booked two lanes because you can’t have that many people in a lane during lane swim. But they wanted to just physically use one and leave the other empty. But they didn’t want the lanes they had because they wanted to be safe and away from others

So the lifeguard asked if I would switch lanes so they could have their space. I agreed, to be nice. I was moved to lane 3, they were in 1 and 2 was empty.

Lane 4 had a grandpa and his 9ish year old grandson. They were throwing a ball back and forth. Even before I got in the pool, it went into other lanes. I thought they’d be more careful once other people were around them, and take precautions. But they just carried on as they were

Once I started swimming, I was nervous about getting hit with the ball. Most of the time they were being safe with it, but when they weren’t, it went into lanes 5 and 3, nearly hitting me or the elderly couple in lane 5. But I adjusted my swimming to accommodate the ball throwing

I didn’t want to be the jerk ruining the fun or speaking up and causing conflict with strangers.

The elderly couple in lane 5 were concerned. They just wanted to swim, get their exercise and be done with it. They didn’t want to have to worry about other people who were being careless around them. Eventually they both got out of the pool early, not saying anything to anyone.

You might be wondering where the lifeguards are at this time. After all, it’s their job to police things, right? Well one lifeguard had let the family swim together in one lane - it was a small rule to break after all. And then he left for the day.

The new lifeguard spoke to the grandpa about the ball. They stopped for awhile but then decided it would be okay to start throwing it around again. After all, it’s a small rule to break, right? And they were being careful, until they weren’t.

Then the ball hit me.

I spoke to the grandpa. I said I’ve been trying to cut them some slack as I wanted them to have fun, but not at my expense. Their actions are affecting others. They stopped playing with the ball and glared at me. Who was I to stop them from what they felt they should be doing?

The lifeguard then suggested I move into lane 2 for the rest of the session. She felt bad, and I could tell she didn’t feel comfortable with what was happening, but also wasn’t in the scope of her job. I moved to lane 2.

The mother in lane one was concerned I was entering their bubble and it wasn’t safe. Safe for them.

I’m sure every single person in and around the pool in this story thinks of themselves as good, respectful people. People who are just trying to get through a challenging time. People who are having fun. People who mostly follow rules and just break a small one here and there.

But this is exactly why we are where we are with COVID. We want people to accommodate our needs. We want people to not get upset when our actions might affect them negatively, because most of the time they are being safe.

We have people who are silent, who don’t complain, and have to miss out on things they want to do because of others not being respectful or showing empathy.

And we have people being put in charge of policing other people’s behavior, in situations that are really are only happening because people are being selfish and inconsiderate, and not regulating their own behavior. Or people who think the rules don’t/shouldn’t apply to them.

And if someone does speak up for themselves or others, they are the problem. They are ruining fun. They are making a big deal out of nothing. They should be more understanding. They are trying to take away your right to do what you want to do.

I don’t know what the solution is. Somewhere along the way we started being so possessive of what we consider to be our entitlements that we completely stopped considering other people’s. Being considerate towards others is only applicable when it suits us, when it’s convenient.

I do worry about COVID, but I worry far more about how we treat other people - both related to the pandemic restrictions and in our everyday. And how willing we are to sacrifice rules or someone else’s comfort and well being, so that we can have what we want.