Walking my dogs, a mile from my house, guy putting his mail out. Moved in a year ago. Never met him. Never spoke to him before.

Him: Hi!

Me: Hello.

Him: Nice dogs. You down that way?

Me: I live at the far end of the road.

Him: Quiet down there.

Me: Mostly, yeah.

1/

Him: Ha ha, good thing you're not down here. I get my redneck friends together, have a fire, squeeze off a few.

Me: Squeeze off a few?

Him: You know, rounds. Just to loosen up.

Me:

Him:

Me: Yeah, good thing I live down on the end then.

2/

This is literally the first time I've ever spoken to this guy and the first thing he brings up is how he likes to "squeeze off a few with his drunk friends in the backyard."

Just to loosen up.

He mentions that he's got a berm so it's cool though.

3/

Him: What's your name?

Me: Jim. You?

Him: Dennis.

He steps towards me and holds out his hand. The shepherd makes a warning noise.

Me: I don't shake hands.

Him: Oh, ha ha! I'm a big fan of bio-defense. Yes, sir!

Big fan of bio defense, after he tried to shake hands. OK

4/

Big fan of bio-defense. I look at the dogs, the dogs look at me, who says "bio-defense?"

Narrator: They were about to find out who says bio-defense.

5/

Him: I mean when China created this thing and then they infected the homeless population in California -- you know they already had The Plague out there as it was -- I was like we gotta step up the bio-defense before it gets over here. That's why I like to stay in practice!

6/

He stands there like what he's saying is completely sane and reasonable.

The dogs look at me.

I look at the dogs.

The dogs are like what the fuck is this guy even talking about? (I might be paraphrasing a bit)

Me: We gotta go.

Him: Nice to meet you!

Me: Yeah.

7/

You know how people complain that people don't know their neighbors anymore?

Those people are idiots.

8/8