Why did the heron cross the beach? To get a records request in person bc they wouldn’t just email it even though this is the 21st century.

Here is my past week of covid-safe beach vacation represented in records request responses. THREAD:

This is when you put in a records request and the prickly spokesman calls you to try to intimidate you.

It is also known as a cactus.

This is when you get an unsearchable PDF that looks like something good but is actually useless bc it’s 60 pages of manually scanned data.

It is also known as an empty bag of Cheetos on the beach.

This is when the agency tells you there is no responsive information.

It is also known as a huge pile of shit.

This is when you unexpectedly get a request like an hour after you file it, with no redactions, and you devour all the good data it contains

It is also known as a seagull eating some dead shit.

This is when the agency asks for 10 more days, and 10 more day and 10 more days again and again and again.

It is also known as a dead rotting bottomfeeder.

(I think. But I don't really know my fishes tbh.)

This is when the agency claims they gave you everything but you both know they didn’t.

It is also known as a seashell with a piece missing and see we can all see it’s missing we know it’s supposed to be there now where is my data.

This is when you get 3,000 pages of records and it seems great but you open the file and it’s all actually useless trash even though you paid like $400 for it.

It is also known as giant beach trash.

This is when you put in the request and everything they give you is redacted.

Honestly idk exactly what this is.

This is when you put in a broad records request and the spokesman accuses you of going on a fishing expedition.

It is also known as fishing bc yes that’s how you get fish duh.

This is when you gotta call lawyers to help you fight for the records you seek, bc some agency is being shitty with you.

It is also known as my quaranteam (*not actually lawyers) on vacation, checking out the dunes.

AND THIS is when despite all of the above, you get the proof you needed and write you a kick-ass story anyway, despite all the cacti and dead things and locked boxes and trash along the way.

It is also known as a sunset.