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A teammate and friend of 20 years took her own life this week. She was 28 and has two children.
I had to call other teammates and tell them someone we love was gone. Those were painful and doing it repeatedly isn't something I'd wish on my worst enemy.
I had to call other teammates and tell them someone we love was gone. Those were painful and doing it repeatedly isn't something I'd wish on my worst enemy.
Depression is real. Struggle is real. She had every "reason" in the world to be happy. Good job, big loving family, two beautiful boys. I saw her this summer and never would have known she was struggling.
But yet, she did.
But yet, she did.
Depression isn't something you snap out of because you have a certain number of "good" things in your life. It's not just being sad and it doesn't need a reason.
I know this first hand. I was 14 the first time I considered ending my life.
I know this first hand. I was 14 the first time I considered ending my life.
People always ask how someone could do that to their family, friends or children, as if they are intentionally trying to hurt them. For me, I truly believed that everyone, especially my family, would not only not miss me but would be happier without me around.
I'm now 28 and some days are better than others but it's still a battle. You can choose to put on a happy face, sure. But that's fake, forced and to be honest it is absolutely exhausting.
There are days when I cannot force myself to get up, get dressed or wash those dishes, even though the clutter and mess drives me insane too. It's a never ending circle and many times feels like there is no way out.
So check on people. But recognize that it's obvious if you aren't truly ready to hear what they're struggling with, without telling them all the reasons they shouldn't be.
Doing that means they probably won't tell you b/c they don't want to burden you with their problems
Doing that means they probably won't tell you b/c they don't want to burden you with their problems
Invite them to stuff, even if they'll say no. Grab coffee. Sit in silence if that's what they need.
I notice every invitation and each time there isn't one. I know the people I can talk to and those that tell me about all the good things I have and to snap out of it.
I notice every invitation and each time there isn't one. I know the people I can talk to and those that tell me about all the good things I have and to snap out of it.
We already know there are so many great things about life, which makes the struggle that much more unbearable because we don't want to feel this way but our mind is messing with us.
I was sent screenshots from her instagram b/c another friend initially couldn't understand why this happened until she saw the posts. Post after post about feeling empty, like a ghost, her life fading away.
She was screaming for help. For someone, anyone, to notice
She was screaming for help. For someone, anyone, to notice
Her death is a complete shock but completely preventable all at the same time. So yes, check on your people but be intentional and truly open to the answers, knowing they may not be good or comfortable.
But do it anyway. Their life may depend on it.
But do it anyway. Their life may depend on it.
Sweet, sweet Amanda. I am so sorry for everything that brought you to this point. While I wish it wouldn't have been this choice, I understand the pain and agony that led you to it.
Through your battles you were an absolute light in this world and are already deeply missed.
Through your battles you were an absolute light in this world and are already deeply missed.
