I'll never forget one of the gynecological exams I had while trying to get my endometriosis treated. I'd been through numerous pap smears. I'd learned online that you can request a special, smaller speculum, so I did. Most places didn't have them. Before the exam would start 1/

I'd let the physician know that I was in terrible pain already and would likely react a lot. Most of them had alright bedside manner and would try to talk me through it. Regardless, the pain was so intense, I'd usually end up screaming and crying. Once, I bit through my hand 2/

enough that there was blood.

I came in for an exam with an endo specialist. She used a smaller speculum and had a nurse come in to hold my hand. During insertion, I started crying and moaning from the pain. The nurse pet my head, held my hand, and gave me words of 3/

encouragement. When the exam was done, thr nurse offered me some tissues to wipe my tears. When I looked up at her, I saw she had been crying, too. She told me she was so sorry for my pain and that the were going to do everything they could to help. 4/

I'd had an exam just a month before this one. The physician was female, but the attending nurse was an older male. During the exam, he held my hand for a moment, but quickly retracted. He just stood there, while I screamed, clearly uncomfortable. I believe he had good 4/

intentions, don't get me wrong. But I felt so on display. Having a male nurse in there had already made me incredibly tense and, being observed during such a painful experience, was really difficult. I've had exams done by male physicians, some of whom had told me I was 5/

exaggerating my pain, or even told me to be quiet. After my experience with the female nurse, I firmly believe that female staff simply can support female patients with more empathy. I'll never let a male, no matter his credentials, examine me again and I don't care if that 6/

invalidates someone's gender. Women have a right to female physicians and to empathetic care. When we come in and are vulnerable and suffering, the last thing we should be worrying about is if we're offending a male's feelings.