becoming aware of your seasonal depression can create a horrible loop of self-hatred and self-distrust.

know i bottom out as the days get shorter. and in october i’m like NOT THIS YEAR! and i adjust my meds and and do stuff to try to stop the depression. but it still happens.

and i get all fucked up bc i told myself a story about how i wouldn’t let it get me this year! i did all this stuff to prevent it!

i think, maybe, i need to do a big shift in how i think about my seasonal depression. i can’t stop it, but i can make it easier to survive.

what if i adjusted my meds AND gave myself permission (and the budget) to order in for most meals in december and january?

what if i hired a cleaning service for the weeks that i know are always the worst?

what if i made the win condition putting energy toward taking care of myself when i’m sad instead of not being sad?????

when i tell myself winter isn’t going to make me depressed, and i am going to DEFEAT IT, i am setting myself up for being MORE depressed bc when it hits, i also feel like a failure.

it wasn’t supposed to be like this! you fucked up, liz!

what if i ordered the nice tissues ahead of time bc i’m just going to cry a lot and i deserve the nice tissues????

treat seasonal depression like a blizzard warning. i can’t stop it from coming, but i can get myself ready to endure it.