Dear England,

We need to have a word.

The other nations and I get the feeling that you think you’re special. Is it just because Americans always refer to you and not the rest of us; or because of the “special relationship” - which always sounded rather creepy to me,

...

...like a dodgy uncle with a ‘secret’.

You do know that they really don’t give a shit about you, yes? You’re an asset, but not in the way you think. They’re using you.

Maybe you think you’re special because you have the oldest Parliament? Perhaps old things should be...

...in a museum. The oldest preserved humans are in museums, but you wouldn’t want to date them, would you? Have you thought that perhaps a system that favours privilege shouldn’t have a place in 21C democracy? It makes you look really silly - I mean, come on, ermine?
...

...and what’s with that unelected place? Bishops and Lords and hereditary lines? Places for dodgy deals and backhanders - and where the near-dead are propped up by their Hansard. You can do better than that. Look at us, sure Wales has a bit of a chip, but it’s understandable..

...you did treat it like property you own to shit in for so long; and NI yes, it has a deranged ‘creationist’ as its lead who thinks more about a cluster of cells than of sentient human beings who happen to be, for example, homosexual; but you did rip NI away from its parent...

...Look, it’s up to you, if you want to have a Harry Potter Parliament that’s your business, but you do look ridiculous, just saying.

Oh, so you think YOU won two world wars? Let’s pretend for a minute that you did, so what? You think it makes you special? It was decades ago...

...It doesn’t make you special. It doesn’t make you ‘global’. And let me tell you, ALLIED forces won those wars, not just the English. Poles, Romanians, Italians, French, Indians, Burmese, Belgians...yes, even Belgians and many more from other races you hate. Which reminds me...

...stop being a fucking racist will you? You pander up to twats like Yaxley Lennon but he’s a tosser and you know it. You still think you own people with a different colour skin, don’t you. You’re still hanging on to those embarrassing Empire days, aren’t you? They were nothing..

... to be proud of, you idiot. That we raped and pillaged the lands and peoples of other nations, whose only crime was to be less advanced and more resource-rich than us, is to our eternal shame. We were not ‘Great’ then, we were powerful, yes, but not ‘Great’. Well, guess what?

...they’ve grown up too, we are no longer an industrial force to be reckoned with. We are expensive and wasteful and lazy. Those Empire days are never coming back. So stop masturbating over our shameful past. Don’t you see how we get further with cooperation without coercion?...

...I know you don’t like to admit it, but the last 50 years have been our best. Why? Because we worked cooperatively in the EU. But you fucked that up royally for all of us, you arrogant cock.

The ONLY victory you talk about where you were solely responsible for was a ...

...fucking football match in 1966. A fucking football match...get a life!

Look, I’m leaving because I’ve had enough of your lies; your mismanagement; your vile media; your racists; your xenophobes and your shitting all over our hopes and dreams; for you taking all the credit...

...where none is due. Let’s see how special you are when all you have are the fascists that you enabled ruling you by your bollocks.

Little England, not so special

Sincerely

Scotland

#DearEngland