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THREAD: Gonna watch Jingle All the Way, a film I hated at 12 and very much doubt has improved with age. It exists in the relative peacetime of Clinton's administration, boom time, an age of innocence before we knew Bill took advantage of Monica Lewinsky and cheated on Hillary.
Oh god it's an instant headache isn't it. An assault on the eyes, brain and ears. Arnie hasn't even arrived yet and I want to pull off my skin. #JingleAllTheWay
Ha, the TV president looks like a cross between Biden and Bill O'Reilly. #JingleAllTheWay
"Don't worry Andy, I'm sure your dad is late back coz he's working really hard" and then it cuts to Schwarzenegger at a Wolf of Wall Street party and he's banging a hooker. Nah, not really, he's on the phone telling multiple people "you're my favourite customer". #JingleAllTheWay
Arnie is such a weird casting choice for this. He's a high-level executive beleaguered dad who looks and sounds LIKE ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER. It's very weird. #JingleAllTheWay
Whoops, the son isn't called Andy, he's called Jamie. And he's sad as hell coz Arnie missed him breaking a thin piece of balsa wood at a karate show. Pipe down, kid, you live in a massive house and ANYONE could break that piece of wood. #JingleAllTheWay
Phil Hartman was brilliant wasn't he, that's a sad loss. He plays seedy so well. #JingleAllTheWay
Honestly, Arnie seems like a flawed-but-great dad. He is super apologetic to Jamie for missing the karate show, doesn't get remotely defensive and he really engages with his son. Fuck you, Jamie. #JingleAllTheWay
He also very emphatically says "Jamie, I love you" and as much as this movie is PURE CRAP that's not something you see very often in 90s movies that are all cynical. This IS one of those movies but telling his son he loves him is pretty great. #JingleAllTheWay
Rita Wilson is too good for all of this. And apparently sleeps in an evening dress from Debenhams. #JingleAllTheWay
Hahahahaha oh yeah! #JingleAllTheWay https://twitter.com/ItsAndyRyan/status/1337763677580251138
Oh here's Sinbad. He's ranting about capitalism to Arnie and then yells about how his wife fucks other men and then starts strangling a lady in the crowd. A family picture! #JingleAllTheWay
Man, this film is VIOLENT! There's been strangulation and a BUNCH of those fly-in-to-the-air-land-on-your-back Home Alone falls. Now Arnie is chasing a woman in a Volvo to get her Turboman doll. #JingleAllTheWay
Phil Hartman yelling at his son and Chamie then bragging to Arnie over the phone that he's eating the cookies is much funnier than "PUT THE COOKIE DOWN". Hartman what an icon. #JingleAllTheWay
The violent quest to get a Turboman is so uninteresting compared to what's going on with pervert Phil Hartman and Rita Wilson. #JingleAllTheWay
Arnie is being attacked by a bunch of Santa's like the Kill Bill Crazy 88 sequence. A giant Santa uppercuts Arnie across the room and a dwarf Santa jumps on his head and starts pummelling him. Who greenlit this? #JingleAllTheWay
Sinbad and Arnie just had a heart-to-heart in a diner. It was well-written and well-performed and then the film goes right back to slapstick violence. Have the courage to have heart, movie. #JingleAllTheWay
Wow, Sinbad's bomb threat is VERY pre-9/11. This is DARK. #JingleAllTheWay
The best bit in this film is Chamie telling Arnie over the phone "you always break your promises" and Rita Wilson standing in the doorway and giving an absolute Oscar-worthy read of "damn you, Howard". CHILLING. #JingleAllTheWay
Hartman just said to Arnie "you can't bench press your way out of this one" and then Arnie, in a rage, punches a reindeer unconscious. This film is bananas. #JingleAllTheWay
Now Arnie is getting hammered with the reindeer. #JingleAllTheWay
In this crazy slapstick wackadoo comedy the focus has now shifted from Arnie trying to get a must-have toy for Chamie to Rita Wilson trying to not get raped by Phil Hartman. #JingleAllTheWay
Jesus, this film must have cost a FORTUNE! It's absolute crap but EXPENSIVE looking absolute crap. #JingleAllTheWay
The sequence where Arnie has to be Turboman in the parade is pretty good actually. Mostly coz nobody is getting life-threateningly injured in some sort of brutal fight. #JingleAllTheWay
Chamie doesn't recognise Arnie in the Turboman costume. You can see his ENTIRE face you dumb kid. #JingleAllTheWay
Oh, I spoke too soon. Sinbad's here and he punched Booster off the parade float and now a bunch of kids are kicking Booster's head in. #JingleAllTheWay
Sinbad pushing through the parade dancers, bumping in to somebody dressed as a Christmas present and shoving them to the ground while yelling "OUTTA MY WAY, BOX!" is the funniest moment in cinema history. #JingleAllTheWay
I think I remember what I hated so much about this movie at 12...it's all the stuff where it gets like a cartoon and Arnie is flying around on a jet pack....it's SO SHIT. #JingleAllTheWay
God, the cops all pulling a gun on Sinbad has a VERY different energy 25 years later. #JingleAllTheWay
Rita Wilson doesn't recognise her own husband either. It's only when he removes his helmet and they can see his eyebrows and forehead that they're like "OMG IT'S YOU". #JingleAllTheWay
Well that sucked a bag of Turboman balls. #JingleAllTheWay
Absolutely smashing soundtrack though. #JingleAllTheWay
