Today I got a call from my psych provider and it was like I hadn’t been asking for months for a doctor who understands autism, even if they mostly work with kids. The receptionist asked me, “Are you a functional person?” I burst out laughing, then realized they were serious.

I was so stricken that I had no idea how to even answer the question. I said, “I’m not sure what you’re asking.” She was like, “Are you very functioning?” I said, “Are you asking if I’m intellectually disabled?” She said, “That, and are you able to care for yourself?”

I’d told her I was the CEO of a large nonprofit. Then she asked, “Are you like socially awkward and stuff? Do you lack social skills?” I am so tired, y’all. I’m without a doctor for ADHD. Who else in the world gets put through such degrading questions when trying to get help?

Since I’ve been openly autistic, I have been so wildly dehumanized. I told her that I didn’t bark at trains. I don’t even know how to answer those questions. Am **I** socially awkward? Well, I can guarantee if that’s the starting point, I’m not going to be a smooth operator.

There were no questions about my emotional wellness. It was if I could take care of myself and if I had intellectual disability. What if I did? I was referred after an audiology and ENT visit demonstrated that my hearing is super good in all ranges, so it’s all sensory.

The ENT said that I needed stress management (meds) to cope with sensory overwhelm so that I could hear. I told him I’ve been trying for tears but my doctor retired and they gave me someone who specializes in substance abuse.

For years, every time I saw my doctor, he did the same thing at every appointment. He recommended meds I’ve tried before and they basically paralyzed me. I explained my motor planning difficulties and he acted like autism is a personality or mood disorder.

And that if I just did more introspection, I would get that. Every time I would explain that I have a graduate degree in psychology and have been a DBT counselor. Every time he said he was going to try to find me someone to help with sensory and would call me the next day.

He never called or even took notes, so I just went through that every time. Sometimes he was very visibly frustrated with me when I didn’t want to try the meds he recommended because I already had tried them. This is being an adult #ActuallyAutistic person.

Who else has had someone ask you if you’re a functioning person, intellectually disabled, could take care of yourself, or are socially awkward when looking for stress management? I was put in the position to either downplay any legitimate struggles I had or to make myself seem

“mild” and a friendly, easy autistic who isn’t going to hear “not seeing new clients at this time.”

Now let’s contrast that with the ENT doctor I saw this week. He was amazing. I kept pulling my mask down on impulse and apologizing. I didn’t know why I was doing it, but he figured it out. He asked if I needed him to sit against the far end of the room and remove his mask

So that I could read his lips. He said that it was a shame that sensory processing is relatively newly understood, and that I probably knew more about it than he did; HOWEVER, he asked me if he could have a few weeks to do some reading and make some consults.

He asked if I could come back in four weeks after he’d had time to look into what is out there and who can maybe help, and he told me he’d help me with getting a doctor’s appointment with someone who would help me manage my stress. He didn’t get angry at me for knowing more

about autism and sensory processing than him. He didn’t treat me like I was pedantic. He went to lengths to explain that he cared and that he would try to help. He didn’t talk to me like I was less human. He asked me questions about my knowledge base.

Imagine all the trauma that could be avoided if doctors all approached medicine that way. For the record, every psych in my city is qualified to diagnose and treat bipolar disorder. Every one is qualified to treat personality disorders. Zero understand autism.

Autism is more common than any personality disorder. It’s more common than bipolar disorder. It’s more common than having red hair. It’s more common than having green eyes. Why don’t doctors care to learn about it???