It is 1AM and I'm walking through the forest, holding a calabash. Baba is behind me.

Baba: *Shakes shekere* Turn right! No! Left!

Me: *side eye*

Baba: Turn anoda left!

Me: *Stops and stares at him* Don't lie for me Baba. Have we lost?

Baba: Ehn?

Me: I say have we lost? Because this is the third time I am seeing this tree.

Baba: *Frowns* Which stupid tree?

Me: *Points at Iroko tree*

Baba: *Looks at the tree* *Turns around* *scratches head* *Brings out compass & points it at my forehead*

Me:

Me: Do you even know this money ritual work?

Baba: Be walking! I know this place!

Me: Shebi you have okada?

Baba: And so?

Me: Why didn't we carry your okada?

Baba: The okada I am using to do delivery?

Me: *Grumbles* My own leg is paining me o

Baba: Be walking!

Me: *walks* Do you have Power Horse that I can drink?

Baba: *ignores me and shakes shekere*

Me: Do you use to back your clients?

Baba:

TEN MINUTES LATER.
Baba: Oya! Put the sacrifice down here!

Me: Thank God. *Drops sacrifice*

Baba: Put the picture of the person you want to use for blood money.

Me: ....

Baba: What are you waiting for?

Me: Please turn back, I'm shy.

Baba: There is nothing I have not seen. Put the picture there!

Me: *Removes picture from bag and drops it*

Baba: *Cleans eye*

Me: ...

Baba: *Cleans eye again* Is that not my picture I am seeing?

Me: I told you to turn back.

Baba: Are you mad? Do you want to use me for money?

Me: Eh

Baba: *Slaps my head* Put another picture!

Me: *Drops another picture*

Baba: MAAMI!

Me: Is your mummy? Ha. I saw it in your family album. *Removes album from my bag*

Baba: *Snatches album from me*

*My bag falls and the contents spill*

Me: ...

Baba: *Stares* Did... Did you pack all my boxers from my house?

Me: I want to use it as valentines's gift

Baba: *squints* Is that my tiroo?

Me: My eyeliner has finished *adjusts trousers*

Baba: Hauwa

Me: Baba

Baba: Did you wear one of my boxers?

Me: ...

Baba: Did you wear Ifa's boxers?

Me: My own pant has not dried. That's why.

Baba: Money ritual is cancelled! *storms off*

Me: Baba? Wise One? Baba? At least give me torchlight! Baba! Who will take me home?!

Me: *Frowns and looks at the sacrifice* *Takes one meat*

*Dials Big Daddy*

Big Daddy: Elo!

Me: *chews meat * I want to sell land for you.

B.D: Where?

Me: *Looks around* Ekiti forest. Like 5 plot. Pay 2.8M

B.D: Did they swear for you?

Me:...

B.D: Elo!

Me: Sorry, there was ponmo in my teeth. *chews ponmo* No, they didn't swear for me.

B.D: You know that's how you sold police car for grandpa and they arrested him.

Me: Why did he too buy police car.

BD: Stop calling my line!

Me: Ok. Send me your best picture.

BD: Why?

Me: *Looks at sacrifice. Picks one shaki* I want to use it to hustle.

BD: *Cuts call*

Me: *Sights another sacrifice & takes catfish* God please don't let bushbaby meet me here.

Me: How will someone get to Ikeja Along from here now.