matching some of these headlines to books

1. "A Ghost Is the Perfect Quarantine Sex Partner" - MISSING, PRESUMED DEAD by @eeberquist https://twitter.com/geology_rocks/status/1337136777841283072

2. "Animals Keep Evolving Into Crabs, Which Is Somewhat Disturbing" - WILDER GIRLS by @itsrorypower

3. "Countries with more butter have happier citizens" - SOMEWHERE BETWEEN BITTER AND SWEET by @LaekanZeaKemp (cc @TheNovl)

also A TASTE OF LOVE by @JenYenWrites

4. "Pope Francis urges followers to pray that AI and robots 'always serve mankind'" - PRINCESS short story by @msmayaprasad in the FORESHADOW anthology was the first thing I thought of!

5. "AI camera operator repeatedly confuses bald head for soccer ball during live stream" -

RUNNING WITH LIONS by @julianw_writes & DARIUS THE GREAT IS NOT OKAY by @adibkhorram

soccer gays for the win. pretend the AI doesn't exist. i am here to yell at you about soccer gays.

6. "3 men banned from Yellowstone after trying to cook chicken in geyser" - SUPER FAKE LOVE SONG by @davidyoon

(do i think our chaos nerds would do this in a video? absolutely)

7. "Court rules Subway sandwiches too sugary to meet legal definition of 'bread'" - A CUBAN GIRL'S GUIDE TO TEA AND TOMORROW by @LauraTNamey

8. "Rats besiege New York Chipotle, eating avocados and attacking staff" - THESE VIOLENT DELIGHTS by @thechloegong

replace rats with [redacted], and you've basically got the whole plot

9. "Self-proclaimed leprechaun whisperer reveals he's still in contact with the mythical creatures who only reveal themselves to him - and insists they 'don't have a problem' with lockdown" - THE BEAR AND THE NIGHTINGALE by @arden_katherine

10. "Universe shouldn't exist, says CERN physicists" - THE SOUND OF STARS by @alechiawrites

11. "These foul-mouthed parrots had to be separated after cursing at wildlife park visitors" - FOOLS by @actualgina in the FORESHADOW anthology.

replace "foul-mouthed parrots" with "grumpy girl without a heart," and "wildlife park visitor" with "charming half-demon"

12. "Philadelphia Flyers mascot Gritty accused of punching child" - DON'T READ THE COMMENTS by @ericsmithrocks

i'm sorry but anything Philly gets automatically assigned to Eric that's just how this works

13. "Overzealous profanity filter bans paleontologists from talking about bones" - BEYOND THE RUBY VEIL by @mara_fitzgerald

i mean,,, [redacted] certainly wasn't telling emanuela ~something~ about body parts

14. "Man requests sword fight with ex-wife and lawyer to settle legal dispute" - KEEP MY HEART IN SAN FRANCISCO by @sincerelyamelia

bowling is basically sword fighting