One thing I wish I hadn't done as a parent is make a big deal raising "all boys."

I thought I had three boys and I made it a part of my identity. Mom of boys. Badge of honour. But for one of my kids, being a boy wasn't their identity and this made it harder for them to come out.

Putting a lot of emphasis on a child's gender is not a good parenting move to begin with. It enforces a lot of stereotypes, whether we realize it or not.

But add in the complexities of a child not being the gender we assume they are and it can create some big obstacles for them.

One of the things our nonbinary kid told us when they came out is that I had wrapped my identity so tightly around the "mom to boys" thing that they didn't want to disappoint me.

Being who they are could never disappoint me. But they didn't know that. They were a kid.

The takeaway here, I hope, is that other parents learn from my mistake (which I don't beat myself up for BTW. We live and learn) and think about the ways in which they tie their own parenting identities into who they believe their children are. And whether or not that's healthy.

Oh, and the other takeaway here is that I really believed all my kids were boys and talked about it a lot. So no, parents aren't "making" our kids trans. Sometimes our kids are trans, and we can either make it easier for them to tell us or harder, depending on what we do.

THANK YOU for the replies to this thread. Replies from other parents. Replies from trans and nonbinary people. We all learn from each other and from our own experiences. It's great to see. Love to each and every one of you.