My feral rescue cat: I put my teeth on you
Me: no biting
My cat: I put my teeth on you in a slightly more gentle manner and ... you like it?
Me: no biting!!!
My cat: well how the fuck do I love you, honestly

The funny thing about this cat is that he is quite tiny (presumably being feral early in life stunted his growth), like smaller than my two female cats, but he thinks he is king shit. He has this absolute swagger and is always going around looking for fights and it’s hilarious

My dude, you are the size of a large kitten, please calm down

(But in most sense he is a very loving cat and adores 9yo in particular and if 9yo is in a room with a closed door, Sam will wait outside and swish his tail in delighted anticipation until his friend returns to the land of permanent objects)

Today he managed a few licks and then was like “no, take the hand away, I cannot be trusted”

Also when we adopted him the humane society were like “PLEASE know that missing an eye and having scarring in the other eye has left him EXTREMELY vulnerable, he is a fragile BABY” (he is not, he utterly bullies the other cats and walks around like he owns the place)