This is where being neurodiverse is a struggle. I can't relax around friends bc I know it's always also networking. If my friends see me as unprofessional or an asshole, they won't recommend me for jobs. So I have to round the sharp ADHD edges at a great personal cost. https://twitter.com/CoreyDeshon/status/1337109685782990848

I try SO HARD to seem cool and chill bc the alternative is letting everyone know I'm a spastic chaos machine. I hide so much of my personality around friends bc it IS also networking. I'm an anxious mess bc I don't know what I can say to friends that won't jeopardize my career.

I think this is good advice for folks who aren't ND. But as someone whose brain is wired differently, I have fixated so much on the idea that any friend you make is a networking connection, that my thinking of friendship is totally warped.

I told my therapist today about how I very consciously separate work from the rest of my life. When I'm at work, I'm not there to make friends. Yet in entertainment, you're *always* at work. There is *always* someone who can see you. There is no separation.

Imagine feeling like every moment of every day, someone is lurking in the shadows, watching you, waiting for you to slip up. That is my anxiety in a nutshell. Honest to God, I didn't have anxiety until I started getting industry friends in LA.

When I tell my friends they don't know the real me, this is what I'm talking about. I am *always* in networking mode bc networking=friendship=networking. This also means I am the biggest people pleaser bc the easiest way to get people to like you is to do stuff for them.

(And all of this also applies to dating and romantic prospects! Telling me that I could meet my SO anywhere in the world is bad!)

btw, when I say no one really knows me, I'm not secretly a N*zi or p*dophile or anything like that. I just mean that working in an industry that eliminates the line between friendship and networking is destroying me slowly lmao

This is why I get exceptionally mad when someone questions my dedication to this craft. My anxiety has manifested into significant health problems, including clenching my teeth so hard I've cracked two of them.

I know this lil twitter thread won't change anything about the industry or the difficulty of friendship=networking, but I just got out of therapy and this was something we talked about today.