"Men prefer respect and women prefer love."

Love & Respect, and other books, made that gospel truth in evangelical circles.

Can I tell you about the study that "proved" this?

It was a survey of just over 400 men. One question on this survey asked men if they'd prefer to be alone and unloved or inadequate and disrespected; 75% chose unloved.

BUT the professional survey designer & the pilot study flagged this question as problematic.

NEVERTHELESS it was included in the book and cited by Eggerichs.

We can find no evidence that they asked the same question of women; they simply assumed that women would answer differently.

You cannot make a gender-difference conclusion without actually comparing the genders.

When other researchers asked women the same question, women chose alone & unloved in roughly the same percentages--in surveys larger than the initial one.

No gender difference. Both women and men choose respect. The more educated women are, the more they choose respect.

We have based a whole doctrine about marriage on a lopsided survey of 400 men using an ambiguous question, without surveying women.

Church, we simply have to do better!

Please listen to the whole story in our podcast this week: https://tolovehonorandvacuum.com/2020/12/unconditional-respect-in-marriage-is-wrong-podcast/

And by the way—if you want to see more about the problems with Love & Respect, check out my Open Letter:

https://tolovehonorandvacuum.com/2020/01/open-letter-focus-on-the-family-love-respect-emerson-eggerichs/