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good therapy sesh today! apparently im doing a good job of learning to trust myself to keep myself safe, which is a thing you often lose when you face tragedy/trauma. you figure if you got hurt on your own watch, its only a matter of time before you let it happen again
& when you think about it its wild that you can have tons, acres, light years of anxiety, which is there to keep you safe, and STILL think youre not safe/protected enough. like im positive that the only reason i havent gotten pregnant or serial killed is my anxiety
anyway, a helpful reminder is that keeping yourself safe does not mean ensuring that you are never ever again in danger. its also being able to course correct--to see that you are in danger & make decisions to get you back to safety
that reminder took some of the pressure off me to never ever ever ever ever ever again find myself in an uncomfortable/unsafe/precarious situation. that's an unreasonable goal. this will happen all the time bc its part of being alive. i, unfortunately, am human
not trusting yourself to keep yourself safe is a part of blaming yourself for the not great things that happen to you; its so hard to remember that sometimes bad things happen just bc they happen, that ppl hurt us bc THEY *chose* to mistreat us
but we know ourselves. if we touch an oven and burn ourselves, the chances that we'll reach out and touch that same oven are very very low bc that burn has made us wiser & we're built to learn from our mistakes
the key, very uncreatively at this point, is to be kind to yourself. dont punish yourself for having gotten hurt. update your list of hot stoves & keep breathing & moving. this is one place where i think we're allowed to let our anxiety do its job and keep us safe
