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I'm awake. Let's chat a moment. Fuirst, thanks to those that reached out with kind words and understanding. 
It was a huge help to me. But I think it's important to discuss what happened for those that might be experiencing similar issues right now.
It was a huge help to me. But I think it's important to discuss what happened for those that might be experiencing similar issues right now.
To begin, everything's fine, and that's the wild thing. My work's going well, I just celebrated my 18th anniversary with my wife, and my Twitch channel is growing. Things are going WELL. And that's the teachable moment: Depression doesn't need bad things to happen to exist.
And though I take medication, I'll also be the first to point out that it's not a cure-all. Meds are a shield, not a bunker. They just make it easier for me to recognize what's going on, and handle it better. In this case, that meant stepping back for a moment.
Imposter syndrome and holiday quarantine fueled this bout, likely. But more important was recognizing that, yes, taking care of my mental needs is just as important as the rest of the to-do list. And here's why I bring that up for you:
Depression is a damnable liar, even when you KNOW it's lying and still feel like shit anyway. So, I'm going to lay out for you the same things I had to lay out for me when it hit me so hard over the last two days. Ready? Here it is:
1. You are worthy of love.
2. You are worthy of self-care and downtime.
3. Your friends care, and are in your life because they think you are worthy.
4. Your worth is not predicated on what you can push yourself to create.
5. You. Are. Worthy.
2. You are worthy of self-care and downtime.
3. Your friends care, and are in your life because they think you are worthy.
4. Your worth is not predicated on what you can push yourself to create.
5. You. Are. Worthy.
Repeat as necessary. I did. And I can tell you this from experience on meds and off: whatever darkness you're feeling right now, a moment is never a lifetime.
I believe in you. We can reach that next better day stronger for it.
I believe in you. We can reach that next better day stronger for it.
First, not whatever the hell Fuirst is. More coffee is required.
