I cried a lot today. Students told me my class was their favorite because they feel respected and they enjoy learning. A grant application I wrote to fund racial equity work at the school was fully funded for 25k. And yet I feel totally devalued by leadership.

I started student teaching and teaching under the Trump administration and Betsy DeVos. I was hazed relentlessly by students the first six weeks I taught because they wanted to see if I'd just leave them like their last four teachers in two years.

Every year I've seriously considered quitting teaching. Because I've pushed myself so far to my limits, and been so disrespected and extracted from by site and district leadership. They loved praising me when convenient but leaving me out to dry when I needed help.

Now we're in a pandemic. And I'm still trying to contribute to not only making my classroom the best it can be, but changing school structures to make things better for students and teachers. Still I'm continually dismissed by those in power.

Honestly speaking, I truly hate how we talk about quitting and leaving or staying in the profession. I don't want to be seen as "strong" for enduring toxic and abusive working conditions, or that I "care more" about children than others.

I have these messy, complicated reasons for choosing to stay in teaching. I have a hard time imagining how long I'll stay in this profession. I love learning and young people with all my heart. I want to stay. But I also don't want to keep enduring the toxicity of US education.

All this to say, if you are a teacher who had your heart broken by public education and left, no matter if it was twenty years or ten years, five years or six months-- I see you. I'm glad you left when you did to take care of yourself. I know you loved your students and still do.

If you are a teacher committed to the joy of learning and deep justice and liberation for each student, whether in your first year or your twentieth, thank you. You endure so much. And I'm very grateful to be in the work with you this year. I hope I can continue to do so.