I've been thinking about this a lot lately, about me wearing the hijab, what it means to me, and what it means to others
I know people who want to wear hijab, but they won't because:
"I'm not good enough yet"
I've never seen hijab as something you "earn" the right to wear 1/23
I know people who want to wear hijab, but they won't because:
"I'm not good enough yet"
I've never seen hijab as something you "earn" the right to wear 1/23
And yet, I've seen a similar sentiment not just among Muslims but among non-Muslims as well. That wearing hijab must mean I've transcended human faults and I'm a perfect Muslim. Spoiler: I'm not. 2/23
When I started wearing hijab, it wasn't because I felt I "earned" it through being "good enough." I mean, I was 11 years old. Did I, as an 11 year old, think of myself as a perfect representative of Islam? No. Was I naive? Maybe. But even then, I recognized I had faults. 3/23
I never, ever, wanted to make my Muslim friends think that I thought myself a better Muslim than them, and yet, I felt that sentiment coming from them. They would suddenly change the topic of conversation when I sat down with them, they stopped talking to me as often 4/23
It was only then I realized that some people had this idea that if you wore hijab, either you were super pious and you'd somehow "attained" the right to wear hijab, or that you *thought* of yourself as super pious. Neither was true for me. 5/23
And for so many of my non-Muslim classmates, wearing hijab was that visual reminder that I was Muslim. I was always very open about my religion, but I don't think a lot of people fully realized what being Muslim meant until I started visually showing it through my clothing 6/23
And maybe, because of that, I noticed my classmates tended to always direct questions to *me* instead of the few other Muslims in the grade. Once, I remember, a classmate telling me he found it weird that another classmate was Muslim, because he doesn't "act Muslim" 7/23
But really, what does "act Muslim" mean? I asked him this, and he couldn't give a proper answer. The muslim classmate in question, I thought, was perfectly normal. And maybe that was the issue - by dressing differently, I was basically announcing that I was different 8/23
And since I had now visually announced I was different from them, all my actions started to be seen in a different light. It went from, "Zikra's acting that way because she's like that," to, "Zikra's Muslim, that's why she's acting like that." 9/23
In some ways, this wasn't a bad thing. I don't celebrate Christmas? Because I'm Muslim. I'm not interested in dating? Because I'm Muslim. I don't eat pork? Because I'm Muslim.
It became easy to be explain my doing different things, because I *was* different 10/23
It became easy to be explain my doing different things, because I *was* different 10/23
But in some ways it wasn't. I was the only hijabi in this school. For so many people, I was the first Muslim they'd met. And with such a visual reminder to others, I was reminded that my flaws would not just be reflected on me as an individual, but on all Muslims. 11/23
For example, when I didn't turn in assignments on time, I would think to myself, "I hope this teacher doesn't think all Muslims are lazy." And that's just a mild example. I felt pressure to act perfect - I wore hijab, I was a visual representative of Islam now, wasn't I? 12/23
Even just walking to the park, for example, I felt the need to not make any mistakes. Whereas before I could simply mind my own business and people would look at me as just another kid on a playground, now I was a *Muslim* kid on a playground. 13/23
I would try extra hard to be kind, to not offend anyone, to not bother anyone, to show them that I am a human being just like them. And suddenly I became that person towards the Muslim community too - someone who acted perfect but knew inside I wasn't. 14/23
You want to know why I started wearing hijab? Why I decided to put it on, even though I never thought of myself as a good enough Muslim?
Because Allah (SWT) commanded me to.
It's that simple. 15/23
Because Allah (SWT) commanded me to.
It's that simple. 15/23
I have other commandments from Allah (SWT) that I struggle with following. I think everyone has something they struggle with in Islam. That doesn't mean you can't try to do the things that are easy for you, and Insha Allah the things you struggle with will become easier too 16/23
At 11, I didn't know a lot about Islam, or how charged it was politically and socially. Of course I knew I would be judged. I was prepared for the name calling, for being called a terrorist, even though I barely knew what that word really meant. 17/23
But I thought to myself, even if I slip up in other ways, even if I can't follow all of Islam's guidelines to a T, I know I can wear the hijab and I know I can bear the insults. For me, at that moment in time, it was one of the things I didn't struggle with, Alhamdullilah 18/23
I still don't have all the answers, but to sum up my thoughts: No, being a hijabi doesn't mean I think I am perfect, or that I think I've attained some level of being Muslim that allows me to proudly wear it 19/23
Really, what I wanted to say was that if there are any sisters who want to wear it, for whom the only obstacle is that they think they "aren't ready" because they have too many other sins...
If you keep thinking this way, you'll always see yourself as inadequate 20/23
If you keep thinking this way, you'll always see yourself as inadequate 20/23
You'll never be perfect, and even for me, when I feel I've improved in some way, I still feel that there is more to do. Because there is. There are always ways to become a better Muslim, and if you hold yourself to an arbitrary standard, you'll never reach it. 21/23
Wear it because Allah told you to. Just as He told you to avoid pork and alcohol and dating, he told you to cover up (Men too, btw). Do what you can, Insha Allah, and may Allah reward all of us for our continuing struggle to do what it right and follow the Deen. 22/23
Hijab is a stepping stone to piety, not the culmination of piety 23/23