Before I came out, before I took ownership over who I am and transitioned, I didn't really care who I was. I was unhappy anyways, so why bother.

I didn't have a concept of my future and I didn't have ambitions for what I wanted to do or achieve or how I wanted to live my life.

So instead, I found others who needed me to be someone. I decided that I would just be who they needed me to be because that at least have me a framework to work with. It gave me an identity when I didn't care enough to develop my own. It helped me have a purpose.

I didn't want a career. I wanted to be a stay at home dad. Because then, I'd have a clear purpose and responsibility. Because then I would be needed. Because I thought, I could just be a care taker as an identity. Because it was clear and seemed simple and straight forward.

Turns out, that's not a healthy way to live your life. Nor is it sustainable.

Long term, it just doesn't work. Not if you want to be happy. Not if you want to live your life authentically.

Turns out, I am actually a complete, complex person with needs and dreams.

Once I got far enough into my transition, there was no going back. I had accepted that I was worth standing up for myself. That I was worthy of being happy. To be authentically me. To live for myself.

I experienced a feeling of worthiness I had never known before.

Here is the deal: knowing who you are is really hard. Accepting who you need to be is even harder. Accepting the price you might have to pay to be able to be yourself can be overwhelming.

But at least for me, once I did it for my gender, I had to do it for everything else.

I'm done being someone for others. I'm done hiding who I am, forcing myself to be someone I am not. I'm done taking it.

I'm worth the effort to be myself. I'm worth loving myself for who I actually am, even if it's not what others need from me.

& so are you. You are worth it