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Arab home shenanigans: mother is attempting to demonstrate the schools of thought on zucchini carving techniques using a vegetable corer and her iPhone as a zucchini placeholder.
Arab home shenanigans continued:
Mother is curious if I, a lifelong policy devotee, am actually interested in State Department work or just want to travel. Is it important work, she wonders, or could I do something better with my career?
Mother is curious if I, a lifelong policy devotee, am actually interested in State Department work or just want to travel. Is it important work, she wonders, or could I do something better with my career?
Mother’s Arab friends all gloat incessantly about their daughters but my mother is too confused about my career and life to show me off properly and I find it highly stressful. She would win the gloating contest if only I could make her understand what it is I do with my life.
I’m really convinced there is no way to fix this short of having @JoeBiden call my mother and tell her I’m cooler than her friends’ daughters.
Editing my Twitter bio to “daughter of confused, semi-proud immigrants”
Mother’s tv remote wasn’t working so I reprogrammed it and she said “I didn’t know you knew how to do things like that.” @JoeBiden please help her understand that I am not a dolt. This is a cry for help.
Arab mother has not mentioned my love life or withering uterus once. Have determined she’s either afraid of what I might say or is lulling me into a false sense of security to strike later.
It has happened. Arab mother would like to know when I will have a home and a family so she can Rest In Peace. Cites @HolaIAmLola and @NouBattah as role models. Thanks guys.
Arab mother has been going on and on about our relatives in Poland and it took me 10 minutes of intense confusion to realize she meant Poland, Ohio. I’ve been away for too long I think.
In 3 days with Arab mother we’ve made fresh zaatar, cheese, warbat (an Arab sweet), kefta, zucchini bread, and stuffed grape leaves but she still keeps trying to find more things to make. Now you see where I get it from.
Arab mother is yelling at me for not making my bed this morning and expressing concern that no one will want to settle down with me if my room is messy. I’ve assured her I keep my room neat and there are plenty better reasons for my love interests to not settle down with me.
Arab mother is asking for examples of these reasons. She is even more concerned now. I regret my flippant remark.
Arab mother has circled back to my love life with increased desperation and aggression. Am considering playing dead for the next 24 hrs.
Arab mother from the living room while I cook:
“Who is Stacey Abrams? She emails me too much.”
“Who is Stacey Abrams? She emails me too much.”
Arab mother would like to know whether I can tell the difference between a teaspoon and tablespoon.
Trying to find Arab brother’s house for the first time in 3 yrs and had to try 4 identical neighborhoods before calling for help. Everything looks the same out here. Am trapped in the 9th circle of suburban hell.
Much older Arab brother offered me an adult beverage for the first time in my life. If you’re Arab, you know this is a BFD. I am a grown up now.
Back home with Arab mother. She’s listing all of the recent incidents of Ohioans driving their cars into storefronts. It is a surprisingly long list.
Arab mother is updating me on all of my high school classmates who are married, have kids, have a house, AND hold steady jobs. She reminds me life isn’t just about work. I am drinking my coffee in exasperation.
يا فتاح لا عليم
يا فتاح لا عليم
