A very niche thread: when I was a little girl, my mom and I loved to dance. Back then it was Shania Twain, LeAnn Rimes, Whitney, Celine. We sang in the kitchen, in the living room, in the bath.
And then I lost my hearing, and the singing stopped.
And then I lost my hearing, and the singing stopped.
In the aftermath of my hospitalization, my parents frequently saw a family social worker. One visit, the SW asked my mom why there was never any music in the house. My mom broke down in tears.
She said it felt like a betrayal to listen to anything when I’d loved music so much.
She said it felt like a betrayal to listen to anything when I’d loved music so much.
In 1999, I was implanted—something I’d pushed for. I was desperate to hear music again.
But then the CI was turned on, and nothing sounded right. Music was ugly. Everything was ugly. I was a miserable and angry and upset. This wasn’t what I’d signed up for.
But then the CI was turned on, and nothing sounded right. Music was ugly. Everything was ugly. I was a miserable and angry and upset. This wasn’t what I’d signed up for.
It took a year for me to adjust. A slow, painful year. And then. Just when sound had become something familiar again, my school went on a field trip to see The Phantom of the Opera.
I had no idea what it was. No idea what to expect. But I remember, with perfect clarity, sitting there in the dark theater and weeping. I could feel the music in my chest. I could *hear* it, and it was beautiful. And it stuck with me like nothing else ever has.
From then on, I’ve been obsessed. I’ve seen the show nearly 8 times, and the first time my mom and I went together in NYC, we both wept together. Although I re-discovered a love of music and Broadway in general, this was the show we kept coming back to.
When my Little was just under a year old, I put on Phantom one night while I cleaned my kitchen. She was sitting in a high chair, eating Cheerios. All of a sudden, she stopped. Her eyes filled with tears. Her hands went up in the air. I’d never seen her so moved by anything.
People say that it’s odd to have a 3yo who is so hugely obsessed with something as, admittedly, mature as TPotO. But to me and my mom, it feels like our own personal miracle. It saved me when I thought I’d lost music forever, and it latched to her the instant she was born.
26 years after losing my hearing, I live in a house that’s full of music, with a little girl who cries with me at the big finishes. “That gave me goosebumps, Mama,” she says, dressed in her Christine cloak and wearing her mask.
“Me too, Bug,” I say, and I am so so grateful.
“Me too, Bug,” I say, and I am so so grateful.